Tag USA

If you’ve never been to the Upper Peninsula —GOOD! Don’t go. It isn’t for you. It’s a shit place with nothing to do and nothing to see. Stay away, for your own good.

If you have been, then you know it’s heaven on Earth, and not to tell anyone about it. The first rule of the real diehards of the UP, the so called Yoopers, is not talk about the UP with the trolls. Trolls, if you don’t know, are everyone who live under the Mackinac Bridge, which separates the Upper Peninsula from the rest of Michigan. And the rest of the planet, really. If you do make it past the bridge, stop at the Yooper Tourist Trap. It’s well worth a visit.

Michigan’s Upper Peninsula is one of the most stunning natural places on this little blue ball. The fresh water lakes, the untouched forests, the rivers and waterfalls tucked away from the swarms of tourists. It’s a dreamland for the outdoor enthusiast.

Biblical Plagues in Rapid Secession

There are downsides to the UP, and they aren’t for the weak of heart or faint of knee. ‘Round about spring the mosquitos hatch. These nasty buggers can hatch right out of the snow. I’ve seen them crawling around on the ice looking for blood. There aren’t a few mosquitos here or there, but swarms of them so thick you can’t go outdoors.

One time my dad and I decided to hike to a nearby lake through the woods. I had head to two coverage and a hat. I had on so much mosquito repellant that I probably gave myself brain damage. My boots covered my feet, and I had gloves on my hands. So, we set out in mosquito season. ‘Round about the time we reached the other lake I couldn’t take it. I snapped an evergreen bough off of a nearby tree and started whacking the air around me. I saw the lake, muttered, “yeah, it’s great. Let’s get out of here.” And we dashed home, swinging pine boughs at the mosquitos. My neck, face, ears, wrists and ankles were covered in bites.

When the mosquitos die down a bit, the mayflies hatch. These congest the surface of everything from screen doors to picnic tables to windshields to boats. And if you were planning on fishing during bass season you can forget about it, because the fish are full to the gills with mayflies. They don’t want your stupid lure, they want a La-Z-Boy and a multi series Netflix show to binge while they chill in their nests and ignore you.

After the mayflies come the bitting flies. These assholes will nip and gouge at any exposed skin on your body, including your eyelids. But, if you think you’ll just wear long sleeves and pants to fool them you can forget about it, because they can bite through steel. Also, it’s 90 degrees outside, Celsius, and you’re damp and covered in sweat, which only attracts more flies.

And then there is about a week of nothing trying to bite or kill you. In that week, you can enjoy the fall foliage, stroll around in the amber-tinted forests or take in stunning vistas of Lake Superior.

After the Plagues Come the Snow

But right as you start thinking, “Hey, we should get a cabin up here,” the snow hits. And it hits hard. In the UP there is snow from about early October to round about May. And if you haven’t heard the very technical term “round-about” before, you haven’t studied the weather or insect patterns of the UP because that’s as good as it gets. ‘Round about is a technical term in the UP.

Finally, the fishing report for the UP: Many of the folks who come up, the trolls, they come up for the fishing and hunting. Hunting season is so-so, but you might as well stay downstate and save yourself the $5 Mackinac Bridge fare. Lodging costs more in the UP for hunters, too. Stay away, stop killing all of our wildlife, ya jerks. Fishing, on the other hand, is also horrible in the UP. So many people escaped to Michigan after the tourism board launched their Pure Michigan campaign that pretty much all of the fish in the great lakes are now in troll bellies down south. Fishing reports for the past five years have been abyssal. 

‘Round about now, you’re probably asking why I’m even writing about the UP. The answer is that this is a warning, a morality tale of sorts. Stay out of the UP so the fish come back, and the mosquito populations die down. Stay away, ya damn trolls! Back, back! Try somewhere else in America.

Minnesota, Wisconsin and Michigan are the land of plenty. Plenty of space. Plenty of weight on the locals. Plenty of cheese on the french fries. Plenty of everything. We started in Minneapolis, home of the Mall of America, the largest mall in the country. You can walk for hours and not see everything. I know. We tried. There is a theme park in the center, a movie theatre, spas, hundreds of shops and dozens of restaurants. Anything you want you can find at Mall of America, except your car. You’re going to lose your car. My god, where is the car?

Minnesota: Lakes, Malls and Snow

Minneapolis has a great free zoo in Como Park, out on the east side. Check out the Como Park Conservatory. You can donate at the entrance if you want to, or don’t. I don’t care. But we always tried to drop a few bucks in the pot because damn do they do a good job with the animals at Como. They have a free-range sloth in the greenhouse area, and there are meerkats all over the place right inside the entrance. They have larger animals, too, but for me the greenhouse always won out. Such a lovely spot to come, especially in the colder months. Which, in Minnesota, are about 10 months of the year.

If you’re anybody at all worth knowing than you live on Lake Minnetonka. We don’t, because we’re not worth knowing, but we have friends on the lake. Experiencing how the elite live is a joy and a curse. It’s such a delight to experience, but then you have to zip up your suitcase and go back to the cheap motels with holes in the bedding and curly hairs in the sheets. You can get a taste of the rich life by strolling around the quaint villages that ring the lake, or driving down the mansion-lined streets. There are several open access points to the lake. You can even check out Prince’s house, which is nearby.

Wisconsin: Land of Cheese and Roller Coasters

Wisconsin is famous for cheese, but also for the Wisconsin Dells, which house a bunch of theme parks. Here you can ride all manner of rollercoaster or spinning tea cup. There are decent resorts and it’s near enough to an airport that you don’t have a long drive after landing. The prices are reasonable in the off season, and a bit extreme in summer. If you ever wanted to learn an Eastern European language, many of the staff at the Wisconsin Dells resorts and theme parks are there on summer work visas. 

We didn’t spend much time in Wisconsin because it wasn’t theme park season. Instead, we sort of transited the state, and our hearts thank us for avoiding the artery-blocking cuisine.

Michigan: The Mosquito’s Playground

Michigan is for nature lovers. If you don’t love nature, don’t bother congesting the freeways and airports, it won’t be the place for you. The best thing to do in Michigan is get outside. Detroit has a lot to offer, as does Ann Arbor, but your best bet is to get into the woods, enjoy the lakes, go on an ATV ride or rent snowmobiles if it’s winter. Just get yourself geared up and get outside.

With the launch of the Pure Michigan tourism campaign, RV, ATV, boat and snowmobile enthusiasts from around America started to explore the bounty of Michigan. This was great for the economy but bad for those of us who were already outside enjoying the peace and quiet. Nothing says hike faster than having a group of loud tourists behind you in the peaceful forrest.

I have so much more to say about Michigan. I’ll do a whole post on the Upper Peninsula soon, so stay tuned.

We have done a lot of US road tripping, check out more on the Road Trip page.

For about a year and a half we lived in Missouri, smack dab in the middle of the American Central Midwest. This, I can assure you, was culture shock to the extreme. As a vegetarian and flex vegan, Missouri was a whole new world, culinarily speaking. And not a good one. More like a Mad Max wasteland world, where everything was barbecued or deep fried, and nothing came with vegetables, despite the fact that they were being grown all around us.

In Missouri, we checked out Branson, of course, and St. Louis. Now, if you’re in the market for a solid heart attack, we’d suggest dining in St. Louis. Go literally anywhere. But St. Louis has some healthy options too. You could walk around the zoo, which is free. And St. Louis has a massive park (that houses the zoo, conveniently) and a nearby free science museum. All of these attractions are well worth a visit.

Indiana: Corn, Literature and More Corn

Indiana has some perks worth checking out. For one, Kurt Vonnegut, my favorite writer of all time, hails from Indianapolis. Sure, he spent most of his productive years elsewhere, but the midwest doesn’t have shit to claim, so we’ll let them have it. Indianapolis is now home to the Kurt Vonnegut Museum & Library, which is pretty sweet, to tell the truth. You can go right in, have a tour, buy some themed gifts or attend some of their events. They really are doing an awesome job of sharing Vonnegut’s vision. So, that’s something the midwest has going.

Indiana has an awesome downtown area. We checked out The Garage, an eatery for everyone with tiny stalls selling everything from lobster rolls to Pakistani to cheap margaritas and soup. We loved the downtown. We also checked out the Indiana State Museum, which at $17 was well worth it to see the throngs of taxidermies animals and era-by-era cultural items. Indiana has a lot going on back in the day, including being trampled flat by mammoths. True story.

Illinois: The Cornhole of America

Illinois has a few things to offer the intrepid tourist eager to see real America. I hear Chicago is nice. I went once. It was cold, wet, and everywhere we went a Sheik came up to us and said, “you probably shouldn’t be here.” Apparently south side Chicago is not where I’m meant to be? No joke, that happened more than once as we were looking for a well-known philately shop. I missed the downtown, the skyscrapers and the views of the great lakes because we ran out of gas and decided to leave after the third person in an hour told us to get out of there. So, we did. 

Cahokia is one of my favorite things in the midwest. This, at one point, was the largest native city in the United States. Now we know almost nothing about it, or the people who built it. All we have left are these huge mounds that you can walk around on. We climbed several, looked out at the ol’ Mississippi and enjoyed the views. I can see why they picked that spot. Endless flatlands for crops or grazing and the river for fish and transportation and trade. Still, very little is known about them, and most school-aged kids haven’t even heard of it.

The midwest has some pretty cool parks. Not Yellowstone or Niagara, but still. They try. One of my favorite things about living in Missouri for a year and a half was watching the farming community do their thing. I have to assume this is a labor of love, because they aren’t making a profit. Everything I read about farming suggests it’s all but a starvation wage after investing in everything needed to keep the farm active. Still, I can see the appeal of farming from a job-satisfaction standpoint. You work hard, hands in the soil, and you see real results. We watched the field near our house go from snow-covered to sludge to ribbed for seeds, to sprouting and finally to fruition and harvest. It was a thrill to watch the machines roll through and see real live farmers in coveralls out there checking the plants. I suppose if you’ve always lived near fields it wouldn’t be that exciting, but corn, soybeans and yarrow grew nearby and it was stunning.

We made trips to Minnesota, Colorado and Kansas in addition to our Illinois, Missouri, Indiana trips, but I’ll write about them later. For now, that’s the midwest as we saw it. You’re welcome to it, especially in harvest season when the sky turns grey with little tiny specs of husk and ear finely chopped and ready to clog your lungs.

If you missed our American Road Trip adventures, you’ll find more including routes on the Road Trip page.

This post was written by Bear J., who recently spent a week in the Boundary Waters with his brother. Read more about their trip, or read on to see how the canoe trip was planned.

The Boundary Waters of Minnesota are unlike any other wilderness. For one, a canoe carries your packs for most of the trip. And when its time to carry your pack, you may have a canoe on your shoulders as well! But it’s the pristine nature, the loon calls, and the fishing that brings people back year after year. This would be our 10th trip into the wilds of the Boundary Waters.

There are a million acres of lakes on the U.S. side, and twice as much on the Canadian side in the Quetico Provincial Park. The lakes have many similarities, such as many campsites, fish, mosquitoes, ruggedness and solitude.

Here are photos of the Johnson Brothers’ Canoe Trip

Planning Your Trip to the Boundary Waters

There are many outfitters in the Ely area of Minnesota that have planning guides online, and who will start up an email and phone dialogue about what to bring, when to go, and what you will need. I would recommend using one of them to plan, and outfit your trip. Especially if it’s your first time up north.

Plan and practice everything. Test everything. Know how to use that water filter, start the stove, turn on your head lamp. Load your pack and try carrying it. Load a food bag and carry it. Try out all your fishing gear. Find the deepest darkest swamp, and test your bug dope. Serious bug dope. Seriously.

Route Planning

There is a saying up in the Boundary Waters. With every portage you see half as many people and twice as many fish. This is very true. This trip we went nine portages in and saw no one, and the fishing was phenomenal. You could see 12 lb bass and 18 lb Northern swimming around the canoe saying ‘pick me.’ We ate our fill of fish every night. We planned for 10 miles a day, and 5-7 portages the first two days. We made that easily. If you have never canoed, or portaged plan for less, and make contingency plans. For your first couple of trips, plan an up and back route, so if you fall behind, you can stop. Later, you can make a circular type route through Canada and the BWCA. I recommend going in two days, and setting up a base camp, then exploring from there minus most of your gear.

Maps

There isn’t much choice in maps. Fisher Maps has detailed topographcial maps of the U.S. side, but I have not found good ones for Canada. Fisher does carry the Canadian side without topo for $6.90 each. Bring two sets just in case a mosquito carries yours off.

Staging Your Trip

You will need to park your car, and get a canoe in Ely, unless you live close enough and have your own. There are many good outfitters in Ely. They are all about equal. I tend to pick one with a base camp on Moose Lake, where I like to launch. Moose Lake offers easy access to Canada. You can pull up and be met, outfitted, packed and ready to go in two hours. Since Ely is about 5 hours from the Minneapolis/St. Paul Airport, I like to arrive in the afternoon, take in Ely, head out to the outfitter, pack, have a nice steak dinner, and relax in the bunk room. First tow heads out after breakfast the following morning at 7:30 (the Canadian Ranger Station does not open until 8:00). Regardless, arrive early enough to load and pack everything, test everything you get from them, and try out your fishing gear.

Here are photos of the Johnson Brothers’ Canoe Trip

Canoeing into Canada

If you want to go into Canada, you have to plan it three months in advance.

You will need a Remote Area Border Crossing Permit (RABC) and a fishing license for Canada. You can find the form here, and you will have to mail it in to the address in Canada listed on the form. Permits are numbered and a limited number of  people are allowed in to any one area. This is a good thing. I have gone four days before without seeing anyone.

You have to enter Canada through one of the Ranger Stations. We chose Prairie Portage. This allowed us easy access through Carp Lake to the Man Chain of Lakes, five lakes with “Man” in them, such as Other Man, No Man, This Man, That Man, and He Man. Bring your credit card and I.D to the station to pay the rest of your fees and register your route. Prices are $110 per person for the Quetico permit, half up front, the rest at the Ranger Station, plus $40 for a fishing license. The fishing license you can obtain here.  Order one well in advance.

Bring special bug dope for Canada.

Picking a Canoe

Unless you have your own lightweight canoe, you will be renting one from one of the outfitters. The plastic composite canoe that is fine for your neighborhood park will not make it up here. The last thing you want is a damaged canoe 25 miles into your trip. It is a long walk back to civilization, through many mosquito nests. My first trips to the BWCA were with fiberglass, later aluminum canoes. This trip we tried the new Kevlar canoes. They are amazingly light.

Pick a canoe to your ability and planned activities. For example, if you plan to do 10 miles and 5-7 portages a day, take Kevlar. If you have not canoed much, or if you plan on taking your time or fishing en route, take aluminum. Kevlar trades off some stability for lightness, while Aluminum is more forgiving in big wind, rocking, or with younger folks. Kevlar is $42 per day, aluminum $25, roughly.

Who can go to the great Northwest? Everyone. There is a trip to meet your ability, experience, and party composition. I’ve had 5-year olds on trips, and even teenagers. It will be an incredible adventure for them if you let them experience everything, and have the right gear to make it fun.

Portaging: The Muscled Side of Canoeing

If you have canoes, but have never portaged, it’s an art form you’ll need to master. It is not as easy as picking up your canoe and walking up to your car. Portages come in all sizes and shapes. Some are a mile long. Some are straight uphill, then straight downhill. This trip we found several with trees down across them paths, meaning pulling and pushing your gear, and canoe, through some pretty thick stuff. If it’s been raining anytime that summer, some portages are ankle-to-shin-deep in muck, with crawly bitty things and mosquitoes and biting flies waiting until your hands are full and you are stuck in mud to strike. They sense weakness, waiting to attack, in swarms, on que.They look for weak prey, struggling under weighty gear.

Many portages are easy to find, but if there has been a windstorm, some portages may be impassible. Canoeists before you will have made another trail, and it will not be pretty. The place you make landfall may have a nice place to pull up your canoe to unload, or you may be balancing on a log, or standing in knee-deep water to unload and pull your canoe up on your head. Use much bug dope prior to hitting the portage, especially right after rain.

Equipment

There are many lists of what items to bring on a canoe trip in the BWCA. I suggest laying everything out, taking a third away, then packing and carrying it around your neighborhood. Here are a few tips based on many excursions over many portages.

Here are photos of the Johnson Brothers’ Canoe Trip

Bring less of everything than you think you need.

• Headlamps. Night illumination is a must, and hands free is best. Worth any weight.
• Bring bug dope. Enough to share. Have I mentioned there are mosquitoes?
• Water shoes with enclosed toes that will stay on in ankle deep mud with 80lb on your back and your hands full killing 8” long mosquitoes. JK. Maybe.
• Quick dry clothes are great, you will get wet, and if you don’t. you ain’t trying hard enough.
• Wide brim hat that covers your neck. Paddle all day and you will burn.
• Rain suits are a necessity. Otherwise you may miss out on a few days of your trip while sitting in a tent swatting mosquitoes. Make them breathable, cause it can be hot in June and July, and warm in August.
• It’s cool at night, so bring a sweater, and camp shoes cause your water shoes will have to dry.
• A good tent with a rain fly is critical, else the Minnesota State Bird will carry you away (the mosquito).
• Bring a tent one person larger than your party, so you have room for gear, and moving around during the frequent rain squalls, and if you find yourself spending an entire day inside during a storm, you will appreciate the elbow room.
• A game (cribbage) or two. A notebook to jot down ideas for your next trip.
• A good waterproof camera that fits in a shirt pocket. You will want to snap pictures of your partner struggling under the canoe in shin-deep mud.
• Leave the cell phone – there is no coverage of any kind other than satellite and its against the rules to bring any electronics into the BWCA, and Canada. If another camper finds you with a cell phone, or iPhone, they are legally allowed to throw it in the lake. Its the only littering allowed. Carry everything else out. Well, there is one other thing you can leave in a hole there. Ween yourself off your cell early so you don’t suffer too much on the first day.
• Bring a compact fish net, some of the Northern will tear your fingers off trying to de-hook them or bring them in the boat. Bring pliers to extract hooks from the fish, and a leader!
• A water purifier that fits right on you water bottle (bring two bottles). There are a bunch of good ones, I have two that I like, the Katadyn Pocket Water Microfilter, and the MSR.
• Make sure you have water bottles that fit your filter, or you end up balancing on a rock, or over the edge of the canoe trying to pump and hold your bottle. If you lose your filter, go to the center of the lake with your big cook pot and dip out water. Giardia lurks around shore, and moving water, not in the center. You can fill your water bottles out there also, or while crossing a lake.
• Bring some drink mixes-it’s nice to have something different once in a while.
• Quick dry towel for after your swim (Saturdays in the BWCA are swimsuit optional days). JK
• Small foldable camp stools – one thing I would never canoe without. Get the kind that can fold small enough to fit inside your pack – you would not believe how many things there are to grab ahold of anything on the outside of you pack trying to get it in or out of the canoe, or portaging. I have one that has a folding back on it.
• Instant coffee and a insulated travel mug, stainless. I bring a coffee press for my Espresso, and i’ve used a French Press too, depends on how vital coffee is to your morning.
• Ziplocks for everything. Plan on dumping your pack into the lake once, or getting a downpour, and I don’t mean that west coast drizzle, I mean more rain that a bucket challenge.
• Camp shovel for digging those morning holes.
• Small foldable saw for cutting fire wood. I used to bring a hatchet too, but the small stoves to what I need now.
• Lots of paracord. It’s amazing what you will need to tie up. Duct Tape too. Works great to fix a tent, tent pole, fishing pole, snoring tent-mate…
• Bungie cords make tarps go up easier.
• Rain tarp for your cooking area, and if you have enough people, for your eating area. I use 12×16 for two people.
• First Aid Kit: burns (sun and cooking), blisters (hands-paddling), Trac Kit (fish bones in the throat. Maybe JK, maybe not. Try eating a Northern once.
• Suntan Lotion, and put it on your hands. While paddling this is the most exposed part other than your neck.
• Clothes pins for hanging wet clothes on your laundry line.
• Sun glasses, reflection can make you blind.
• Watch cap for sleeping – it can get cool.
• Bug dope. Seriously.
• Wash cloth.
• Kerchief

Fishing… and Other Food

If you’re an expert fisher, good, you know what to bring. If you are not, ask the outfitter, and stop at an outdoor store in Minnesota and ask them.

Food is an entire category to itself, critical to you energy from the exertion of paddling and portaging, and one of the areas where you can gain a sense of comfort.

Bring less than you think. Plan to eat fish every day.

We like to bring real food for the first day or two. By real food, I mean food not in aluminum pouches. You can go freeze-dried, or you can try to make a menu that will leave your camp satiated. Try potatoes, carrots, onions, and frozen steak for day one. Apples travel well also. Don’t bring garlic, bears love it and can smell it 20 miles away.

• Clarified butter, or Ghee, for cooking your fish in – does not need refrigerating.
• Home-made gorp – or granola mix. High energy and tasty. Most good grocery stores have a place you can make your own. Keep some handy in the canoe to snack while paddling, especially easy if you are in the back of the canoe and the person up from can’t see what you’re doing while he paddles.
• Shore Lunch of Planko for breading your fish.
• One of those little plastic lemons for the fish.
• Old Bay, and other spices and salt/pepper.
• Soup mixes are good too.

Bear Bag

As I said, each time you leave camp, or go to bed, you must raise your food bag, and ALL food including those Oreos you snuck into your pack. You do this by loping your rope around a rock, then throwing this rock or log over a limb of a tree in camp. Then you and everyone else in camp pull up your 50 lb bags. Or, you throw a rock with para cord tied to it over the limb, then tie off a two-pulley three snap link munter hitch belay system to two trees and you can pull it up and lower it with ease. Practice this.

Fires

Sometimes, it is too dry up there to have camp fires. Check with the Forest Service, or Canadian Mounties. If it’s safe to create fires, know how to make a fire in advance, and bring waterproof matches. You’ll also want a backup in case your matches run out. Fire can mean life if it gets cold or a freak snow strikes.

Cooking

You will need a stove. A variable speed stove is nice, but expensive. JetBoil stoves are amazing. Pressurized gas is lighter, but takes longer to boil on some stoves. White gas is heavier, and takes priming, but boils nicely. Two stoves are nice, in case one fails. Did I say test it and test it well, and boil water on it. Get really good with your stove. I have two, a MSR Whisperlite International and a Coleman Peak One.

Other cooking essentials:

• One big pot for boiling water.
• Pot scrubber, small bottle of dish soap, sponge, drying towel.
• Aluminum foil.
• Two fry pans.
• Now I bring a cast iron skillet for fish. It’s heavy but worth it.
• Filet board and knife.

Now they say to clean your fish and do your dishes away from camp, so as to not attract the bears and other critters, like Raccoon, Seagulls, Porcupines, Pack Rats, Mice, Beavers, and Alligators. But, no one does this, so try to do your cleaning on one side of camp, and your tooth brushing on the other, or you may bend down to wipe off your toothbrush and snag a fish liver.

Other lessons:

Visit one of the big outdoors stores in Minnesota before your tip, and get some expert advice on lures, rods, line, and other gear. Talk to the people at the outfitters where you will rent you canoe. Find out which fish are biting on what lures. I’ve found ten lures in a floatable Plano box will do you, steel leaders for the Northern, 10-12lb line and two rods and reels. It sucks to lose you gear two days into a week-long trip. Tie one rod/reel into the canoe. I have found Daredevils, spinners, Mepps, Silver Minnows, Jigs, and poppers will do. The purple worm (Chuck’s) works well (no live bait is allowed in Canada).

When portaging, you can do one trip across or two. If you can go super lightweight, and are experienced at camping, you can put your pack on, flip the canoe up on your shoulders, and walk across many portages that way. If you like a more leisurely trip, make two trips across, one with pack, one with canoe. For two people, you will have three packs. One per person, and one food pack. You must have a separate food pack because when you are done eating, you need to haul it up in a tree, away from the trunk at least 3 feet and at least 8 feet off the ground to keep furry critters off you Pop Tarts.

Bring three paddles. Tie one in with your extra rods. Bring some of those large twist ties, about 12” long, and when you reach a portage, tie in your paddles and other rods, so you can have hands free to assist with crossing the portage.

Practice picking up the canoe and putting it on your shoulders. There is the two person technique, but after a few tries, you can master the one person lift, flip and duck.

Have fun!

Here are photos of the Johnson Brothers’ Canoe Trip

These days we don’t really get to Abandon the Cube as much as we’d like, but this week we’re in sunny Atlantic Beach living the dream.

And by dream I literally do mean living a more vivid dream. I read once that people along the coasts dream more vividly and live life a bit more wildly. At the same time, more great thinkers, philosophers and dreamers have come from coastal cities than inlanders. I knew this before we arrived at the beach and I was looking forward to insane dreams with M.C Escher stairs with droopy Salvador Dali animals running up and down. Oddly enough, the sun has made me more tired so I haven’t been dreaming at all. On the other hand, I had an awesomely deep conversation about the pitfalls of the Machiavellian state vs Confucianism this morning, which was unlikely to happen back inland so there is that….

Dreaming

One thing I’ve always hated about the beach is how commercial it is. And it’s not just American beaches. I went to the beach in Turkmenistan a few years ago and there was a guy selling inflatable bananas, crocodiles and beach balls just like the guy on the coast here in sunny North Carolina. The only beach I’ve ever been to without capitalist swarming all over it was in Olympos, Turkey.

Olympos, Turkey

You had to hike through a jungle following a wall built in the Hellenistic period and the jump around a wall made during the Roman Empire to find this stunning blue lagoon full of hippie backpackers. It was paradise. If I found out tomorrow I had an incurable disease you’d find me the day after on the beach in Olympos looking out of crystal waters with ancient ruins behind me in the jungle. Truly awesome.

Atlantic Beach

And the beach here in North Carolina could be like that if it wasn’t so developed. My uncle has a place along one of the canals and across from his home is an uninhabited island jungle that looks amazingly fun to explore. I bet the pirates of old have buried treasure out there somewhere.

Pirates of North Carolina

I’m also reminded, while looking out at the ocean, how close the Nazi subs were to this very area, and how many ships met their doom at Nazi hands right off the coast here. As one historian put it, “It wasn’t the US Navy or Coast Guard that controlled the Atlantic coast in 1942, it was the Nazi U-boats.”

One U-boat captain told his son (who survived him through the war) that he was most amazed at how life continued on as normal in the US despite it’s being at war. People were on the beaches every day, boats went out on joy rides ride near the lurking subs (unbeknownst to them obviously) and at night the coast was lit up from all the bars, parties and general merriment. This may be one of the reasons Americans have a reputation abroad as always jovial, never serious.

U-Boats Prep for the Atlantic Campaign

Pretty stunning how much history there is right off the coast. (Not even counting the stuff in Kitty Hawk–the first flight of the Wright Brothers.)

Wright Brothers in NC

We moved to North Carolina! Yup, we’re staying in the ol’ US of A for a while and have settled in a second-tier city on the east coast called Winston Salem. The town was home to the Reynolds Family, and, of course, the seat of much tobacco growing and wealth. But it was originally a Morovian community, and much of that heritage exists today in pockets in what was once the Salem part of the two towns.

Aside from tobacco, other big businesses have sprouted in WS, including Wachovia, Hanes, Texas Pete, Krispy Kreame, and Piedmont Air. The single most facinating thing about WS is the fact that it exists on a space-time continuum, or a black hole. Sine it wasn’t a planned city, like Beijing for example, the streets in Winston Salem flow like wild rivers. One road may weave and twist and turn and possibly even cross over itself all without changing its name. Getting lost in town is easy and a sense of direction is lost on this place where even magnets give up trying to find north.

The weather shoots up and down like the ball on a mobile yoyo. We’ve been here a month and we’ve has hypothermia weather and sweaty, humid gross weather. I’ve seen people out in shorts with blue patellas, and other folks out in snowsuits scratching their heads with woolen mittens as they suffocate in the heat. And all this oscillating means things bloom, die and then try it all over again on the next warm day. This includes the plethora of oddly over sized spiders that inhabit the mounds of kudzu.

Of course the moment we hit I-5 and headed North we were struck by the most amazing rain storm. This only gives credit to the rumor that it rains all the time in Washington. I’ve tried to convince Mike that people over hype the rain, but every time the poor lad has been in Washington he’s been drenched to the bone. Bad timing or global warming?—Or could it just be that Washington is a rainforest of beauty that needs a bit of rain to keep it so wonderfully green. Mike prefers to think of it as vampire territory where everyone has blue-tinted skin and edgy dispositions (as well as an addiction to meth, cults and an affinity for collecting broken cars for lawn ornamentation.)

Washington, the Evergreen State, is just that—it’s green forever. No matter which way you look it’s hard to see a color other than green. Of course, if you cross the mountains and head East you’ll find a desert out near Spokane. But who would go out there when the rainforests, mountains and shores are to the West?

We spent several weeks exploring the many ways to stay dry in a rainforest. What we came up with was this—don’t go outside. If you do, you’ll get drenched. Even on a sunny day Washington is wet. They call it “liquid sunshine,” but of course it isn’t sunny, Washingtonians just don’t know any better, bless their souls.

We also spent a few great weekends in Oregon, which is just like Washington, but with more dedicated hippies. Eugene, where Nike has it’s headquarters, is full of vegan restaurants, dreadlocks and birthing centers covered in dream catchers. It’s a lovely place for anyone who votes blue (or refrains from voting because it’s too much a part of the establishment).

We took a drive up to Seattle one weekend and ended up visiting the Matador restaurant as well as the Kickin’ Boot. Both are awesome, by the way. And Seattle remains one of my favorite cities in the world. If it weren’t so expensive it’d be a great place to strike a claim. But alas, the land is so green, so beautiful that it’s much coveted and in that regard, unaffordable.

Between Grand Junction, CO and the beautiful Columbia River Highway in OR there is basically nothing but a litter box. That’s harsh. There is nothing but a litter box with a strip mall in it.

Believe it or not, our USA Lonely Planet boasts of Utah as being a well kept secret full of adventure, outdoor activities and wonton awesomeness. We’re wondering what Cool-Aid these writers were drinking. The long stretch of dull we drove through was like driving across a giant block or dirty butter. The guide book did mention some amazing rock structures to the south, but if you have to drive across more of the same dirty butter to get there, we weren’t interested. Perhaps that’s why it is such a well kept secret. Everyone turns around and gives up before getting to this mysterious awesome part.

Salt Lake City was a place I was interested in seeing. Having watched the Big Love series about the LDS church, polygamy and Bill Paxton, I felt I had invested a sizable chunk of time in seeing parts of a city I otherwise had no interest in. The Temples sounded unique and worthy of exploration. Sadly, our time in SLC was limited to a quick drive through town. We saw the temple, the streets paved with … pavement, and not a lot more. It was largely uninspired. More depressingly, the outskirts (which sprawled for hours!) were run down and beat up. I was reminded of the folks in the show who were outcast from the community. Thus, we pointed our hood away from the state and its mysterious, hard-to-locate awesomeness and headed North by Northwest.

Idaho can be quite beautiful in parts, and I spent a lot of time there as a youth with my lovely grandparents. But they lived in the hills and valleys—absolutely stunning. We drove through what seemed like one continuous potato field covered in a depressing layer of recession.

Our intention of driving from Colorado to Washington without stopping was foiled by exhaustion. We stopped in Idaho at a hotel that would have given us all hepatitis had we not slept on our own blankets. In the morning, we discovered a junk yard was the backyard of the lovely hotel. The front yard was the highway. What a charming spot for a center of hospitality. Onwards we went. And from here on out the geography began to get ever more beautiful.

Every time I drive through a chunk of land that looks like the bottom of a dirty work shoe I’m rubbed by a sense of curiosity I can’t shake. I wonder if the folks who settled there were part of the original pilgrims who headed west in search of land, gold or just adventure. I wonder if they know that they gave up in the desert when the oasis was just a mountain range away. IF their ancestors had kept trudging, they’d be in the grace of the forests, hills, rivers and lakes instead of a trailer on the edge of nothing. I thought about this a lot driving through Utah, Idaho and Oklahoma. If they had but continued on, they’d be on the coast! Instead they risked everything, left the comfort of the East Coast, and all to end up in a wasteland. Or, perhaps they find the wasteland beautiful and deplore the forests and the rivers. I’ll never know.

Yes, that was a pun because pot was legalized in Colorado a week before we dropped by. Did we partake? No we didn’t. But it’s still a funny song for a legal state!

What we did do in Colorado was see Colorado Springs, Denver and Boulder before cutting through the amazing, breath-taking Rockies to see Vail and then Grand Junction. Did we love Colorado? Does the Pope have a funny hat? Yes, he does. Yes, he does.

Colorado Springs was not spoken of highly by our Colorado friends. Perhaps that’s because the hills surrounding it look like just that, hills, when compared to the stunning peaks visible from Boulder. But we did enjoy the quaint downtown area and walked around until our buns froze before heading to Garden of the Gods.

This amazing set of natural rock formations is quite stunning in winter, but I imagine it would be all the more bizarre in summer, surrounded by green trees that offset the orange of the rocks. We walked around for over an hour before our buns, again, froze. On to Denver.

We were on a mission in Denver to see the location of the next Matador Restaurant. The chain, which started in Seattle, will be opening a location in Denver and we had the inside scoop on it’s future home. After seeing this top secret spot we drove around downtown and, of course, strolled the lovely pedestrian street that bisects the city. Denver is stunning, but you can’t see the mountains from the city. Time to go look for a view of the mountains.

Boulder has it all. True, there are a lot of questionable folk milling about (have you ever played bum or hippie? You’ll lose in Boulder!). But the university brings in fresh cash and personalities galore. It’s a vegan’s paradise and the most important thing about Boulder is that you can see, smell and feel the mountains from the city. We walked around, drove around and then like a giant magnet the mountains pulled us Westward.

Cutting through the Rockies is like driving a car through a tunnel of awesome. We started our dissection around 4:00pm and by 6:00pm it was pitch dark in the mountains. You’d think that would ruin the drive, but instead the full moon lit an eerie and beautiful landscape of trees covered in snow and looming peaks. Pulling into Vail was like pulling onto the set of an expensive Hollywood Christmas tale. The lights were crisp and shed beams of wonder on the slopes, lodges and walkways. We strolled around Vail and munched on salads overlooking the ski slopes. I wished I could stay forever. But alas, only a Murdoch or a Trump could afford a random drop-by stay at a Vail lodge.

Grand Junction didn’t have much to offer and was a depressing port-a-potty of a town. Actually, we’ll never know if it was cool or not because after Vail anything would look like a cheap, swirling crap. Thus, we left Colorado on a Rocky Mountain high with a bit of nostalgia and, of course, some altitude sickness.

By Al Green we do in fact mean the amazing, talented and smooth creator of “Let’s Stay Together” and “Love and Happiness.” He is one of gospel and soul’s biggest names and he recently went on tour. Sadly, we missed it. But we did hear that he was the reverend at the Tabernacle Church in Memphis, so we got up at the crack of dawn on Sunday and headed for Memphis, leaving lovely Nashville in our rearview mirror.

We drove by Elvis Presley’s Graceland, and were surprised at how rundown the area was, and how kitschy the place looked. I know it’s Graceland and it’s meant to be kitschy but wow! Not far from where tours leave for Graceland you’ll find the Reverend Al Green’s church.

We pulled into the parking lot and saw several people heading inside. We followed them in and opened the doors to the sanctuary to reveal that we were one of about eight white folks in the room. They were already well into the service (which started at 11am) when we arrived at 30 minutes after the hour. We took seats near the back in case our infant started to howl.

The music was amazing! Al Green wasn’t there yet, but his choir and choir leaders were stellar. They sang almost on improve and the live band was equally astonishing. You could tell they loved what they were doing. They sang their prayers.

At noon Al Green came out in white gloves and a black reverend smock. He swayed with the music and received applause and turned all the applause upward. He was very humble and deflecting of attention. His mother led the announcements, and his nephew gave the sermon. Al Green was the greeter, occasional singer and commentator. As we gave tithe he asked us where we were from. Mike said “Chicago” and he started singing “hello Chicago!” as we walked by. Nice guy, and a very friendly congregation. He even made a “Love and Happiness” reference. Nice.

We left Memphis after church. Driving around downtown proved that the city itself has a lot to be desired, especially after the beauty of downtown Nashville.

Arriving in Nashville is like driving into a time warp. The downtown area is crowded with hole-in-the-wall bars where musicians are playing live music starting early in the morning. We were there on a Friday with Lauren’s uncle. He took us to Tootsie’s, the most famous of the local bars, where a cowboy and his cowgirl crooned into rusty microphones over a rowdy crowd. It was 2pm and the beers were flowing and the crowd was hopping. We sat with a couple from New York who were fleeing Hurricane Sandy in search of fairer weather and cheerier sights. They couldn’t get over the $5 PBR cans.

Down the street at Layla’s we got PBR cans for $1 and watched an authentic hill cowboy and a lovely lady on bass really bring country music to life. They were no joke, and at 3pm in the afternoon they had a lively audience of diehards, cowboys and tourists.

You can buy cowboy boots and outfits for cheap downtown. Some boots sell three pair for the price of one. We looked but didn’t buy, and continued on down the way for the mid-afternoon bar crawl with our infant baby. Don’t worry, they still can’t smoke inside and Gwen loved the music. She stood on my lap and cooed along with the best of them. And she wasn’t the only toothless lady in the bar.

Nashville has a great dining scene. We were introduced to more southern BBQ at several restaurants and adored every delectable bite. It’s hard not to overeat when the food tastes like ambrosia.

Out on the streets you’ll find wildly talented people playing handmade instruments, dancing or playing guitar. There is so much talent in the city that it overflows into the streets. Record labels sign big named there, like Taylor Swift, and music celebrities mingle with regular folk without putting on airs.

We were lucky enough to have family in Nashville to stay with, and enjoyed a lovely birthday party for my cousin while we were in town. A great visit, an amazing family and a lovely city. I’d live in Nashville if I could. I’ve never been anywhere else where music was loved so much.

Winston-Salem isn’t a hotbed of tourism, and that’s great because it’s a well kept secret. It’s only a few hours to the mountains and only a few more to the beach, so it’s location is perfect for the weekend warrior vacationer. You’ll find a decent amount of trees in the area, in fact it’s the largest selection of diverse trees in the USA. For that reason, it’s also the hub for furniture in the country, and you’ll notice all kinds of furniture stores and outlets along the highways. Golfing is a big activity in the area, and loads of snowbirds flock south from the frigid tundra up north to enjoy mild winters in NC.

Of all the attractions in NC, our favorite was visiting with family. We were able to see a whole lot of family all at once. A fun, crazy, wild ride that included a trip to the mountains with one uncle and a trip to the beech with my mother. We also went to see Carmen in downtown W-S with one aunt, and were lucky to be able to stay with another aunt in her lovely downtown apartment. We visited friends in Wilmington, and had a party at another uncle’s place. We even got to see my aunt’s new restaurant outside of town. And of course visiting with my amazing grandparents was a joy. We got to enjoy so much family; it was a treat for us and for Gwen, who was, as always, the belle of the ball.

If you happen to find yourself in ol’ W-S don’t skip the historic old Salem area. This was pretty neat and included old structures from the original town that have been converted into nice shops. Downtown (the new part) was also thriving, and we enjoyed an amazing dinner at District, dancing at 6th and Vine and deep fried pickles at Finnegan’s Wake. W-S is great for food, and the finer things in life.

In terms of food, we ate so much southern cooking we put on several pounds in the month we were in North Carolina. We discovered Dickies southern style BBQ, the best BBQ on the planet perhaps. We also fell in love with Darel’s, more BBQ. And of course we loved Bo Jangles and all the chicken. I don’t know how anyone with constant access to this food remains slim.

We were very sad to eventually leave North Carolina and the fifty or so family members who live there. But the road is long, and we have miles to put on the car.

One of the best times to see DC is on a Sunday. Especially on a Sunday when there isn’t a big activity downtown. Here’s how we saw DC.

We drove right past the pentagon and around the bend into down town. We rolled into town without encountering any traffic around 10am. Downtown, there was virtually no traffic and all the lights seemed to turn green as we approached. We drove by the capital building, headed around the White House and drove past a few of the beautiful museums.

Granted, we had very limited time in the city and many miles to cover by nightfall, so we didn’t end up walking around. Instead, we drove all through down, winding up and down streets and passing by the city’s top attractions. We decided that DC is a city that deserves more time. However, if you have the time, free parking on weekends was available and spaces were readily available. I think so many people in the area are terrified of the traffic that they never even attempt to drive into town. If you’re of this mindset the park-and-ride is a great option but takes about half an hour from outside of town.

We also learned that you now have to apply to see the White House several months in advance and get early screening approval before you can show up. If you want to plan a trip to DC perhaps apply first and buy your airline tickets once your approval comes through.

Being surrounded by history isn’t something we’re new to. We’ve lived in China’s historic hutong alleys for the past few years. But being around America’s old history is new to us, and really cool. After our trip down Freedom Trail in Boston, we hit the road for Philadelphia without knowing what we’d see or do while in town. Turns out you need a few days to see all of Phily.

We started by checking out the Christ Church Cemetery, where Benjamin Franklin and a few other signers of the Declaration of Independence rest. This was a beautiful spot to call home for eternity. Aside form the throngs of tourists tossing coins on your headstone, that is.

From there we walked to the Liberty Bell. When I was a child I saw the bell in the middle of the commons, but now it is housed in a glass building surrounded by helpful signs explaining Philadelphia’s history and it’s position as the home of the American government. My favorite moment was when a Chinese man in line behind us commented in Mandarin on how inappropriate it was that there was a large poster of the Dali Lama making the peace sign in front of the Liberty Bell. Priceless.

We joined one of the tours through Independence Hall. You can’t go in without being tied to a tour, luckily though they are free. A friendly tour guide explained the historical significance of the structures to our group of around thirty as we strolled through the main building. Independence Hall is home to the room where our brave forefathers drafted the constitution. This is cool because it was literally a group of regular guys deciding what kind of nation we’d become. The room wasn’t preserved well, but it has since been recreated to look like it did at the time. Despite it being October, it was hotter than hell in the room. This made me appreciate the hard work of the creators of the Constitution even more. I can’t imagine being so optimistic in such a hot room.

I had to stop on the lawn where our nation’s freedom was announced to change a dirty diaper. Afterwards we grabbed the customary Phil-cheese steak sandwich for an outrageous $7 and headed to the oldest continually dwelt-upon street in the USA. It’s quaint and adorable and normal people live there, despite the constant string of tourists. It reminded me of our home on Nanluoguxiang, in Beijing, right smack on a historical lane.

Philadelphia was a great city and, perhaps because it was such a beautiful day and a beautiful, history-rich city we were tempted to just stay put. But there was more to see…..

Okay, so we’re not sure what the top sights in New Hampshire really are, but we’d be happy to tell you what we saw!

Mount Washington Hotel and Resort is a beautiful retreat away from the bustle of the East Coast. It’s a self-contained mini paradise. We’re talking spa, pool, tea room, bar and dining room, wine room and of course amazing views of the mountains as well as the gold course. I assume there are great hiking trails nearby and the concierge would be happy to point the right direction. One of the greatest amenities, though, was the massive fireplace in the center of the lobby and the board-game room behind it. This is the largest indoor fireplace I’ve seen, and I imagine a bottle of wine and a good book would be great accessories for it.
We also got to see the former home of the late celebrity actress Betty Davis. Yes, she did summer in New Hampshire, as did many of the rich and famous once upon a time. Betty Davis lived in a small cottage in the woods off the beaten path outside Frankonia. Her home was made of wood, and has a secret passage way between the two bedrooms (tsk, tsk Miss Davis!). A beautiful arches wooden ceiling was the main highlight, and the new addition to the home stayed true to the time period, adding appeal and even more old-world charm. Of course the walls are covered in Betty Davis memorabilia.

Downtown Littleton is another great reason to visit New Hampshire. We were impressed by the world’s longest candy bar at Chutters. The oldest surviving building is indeed quite old, and beautiful as well. The whole downtown area is just as quaint as a postcard. My favorite shop was the Little Herb Shop where the owner was incredibly friendly and kind, and she carried a great selection of herbs.

But of course the most famous thing to see in New Hampshire are the leaves in fall, and we hit that perfectly. Driving up to the overpasses to see rolling red, orange and yellow hills was a joy no East Coaster should miss.

Leaving Niagra Falls, we headed into New York on the I-90. For those who don’t know New York, like we didn’t, I-90 is a toll road. We ended up paying thirteen dollars for the privilege of using the road. Once you’re on I-90 you’re somewhat trapped. They have stop-n-go centers along the route that have overpriced gas and food, but one teller confided in me that gas prices were higher by about 8 cents on the toll road.

I-90’s toll ends and the toll road turns into I-89. We got off the toll road with lighter wallets, and hit the 787N to the 7. This is where New York finally got interesting for us, but also where we exited New York in general. Coincidence?

Entering Vermont was a nice transition in terms of getting off the toll road and finally seeing some back roads and character. Farmhouses emerged out of the woodlands and those pastures gave way to mountains that bore small resorts, B&Bs and winding roads with stunning autumn views. Night fell as we entered the Green Mountain Forest, where around every precarious bend one finds another small shire of homes, small businesses and more stunning outlooks over fiery orange hills.

Eventually we hit the interstate on Vermont’s eastern border. This N-S highway boasts the worst drivers we’d encountered so far. Fair enough, they were distracted by stunning trees in transition, as were we. We followed I-91N until we saw exits for Littleton, New Hampshire. If you’re traveling along this route keep in mind that exits are not marked with what’s behind the trees so if you’re hungry you mind as well start swallowing your spit because it’s not easy to find the right exit for food. Here’s where a GPS would be of massive assistance.

New Hampshire is apparently sales tax free. That’s pretty amazing considering you can purchase stuff there and save yourself about 6%. We bought diapers for our sweet baby, but didn’t take advantage of that deal for much else. We were now set to spend the next week with family outside of Littleton.

See more photos of the trip on the Photos page.

If you plan on visiting Niagra Falls, don’t skip the Canadian side. It doesn’t take that long to get across the border in Buffalo, so take a few extra hours and check out the much more impressive Canadian view. Why is it cooler? For one you have a clear shot at American Falls, which isn’t really visible from the U.S side. Also, the Fun Walkway along the Canadian side includes the Hershey factory, a retro Coca Cola shoppe, A Ripley’s, Planet Hollywood and Hard Rock—all nestles in a neat walkway with souvenirs, with the falls nearby. Fair warning—parking is $18 per car! To get by that we parked at the Duty Free shop, bought a bottle of Maker’s Mark and got free parking. Walked around the falls and then got to cut in the line to the USA directly from the Duty Free parking lot. Once they catch on they’ll figure out how to stop this, but in the meantime save yourself $18 on parking and get a cheap bottle of whiskey to boot.

The falls themselves are amazing, and it’s no wonder the US and Canada both wanted them. The spray comes up over the road, wetting the cars that drive by. You can walk down under the falls, which is amazing, or you can take a Maid of the Mist boat ride near both falls. They provide you with plastic rain covers. We didn’t do either because we have our newborn with us and it’s winter—too cold for the tiny tot. Instead, we watched the falls from the walkways and the bridge. Both beautiful views.

Final tip—if you’re leaving Canada get in the far right lane going through the border, it splits a few more times and it’s the fastest lane to be in.

More photos on the ATC photos page!

Lauren and Gwen inside a giant Hershey bar

Horseshoe falls.

If you’re following our road trip then you know we hit the U.P via Wisconsin from Rockford, Illinois. This after a long stint in Beijing. Beijing is home to twenty million. The U.P has less than a million in the whole massive area. Needless to say, agoraphobia set in as soon as we hit the dimly populated area. One nice comparison is that there are probably as many birch trees in the U.P as there are people in Beijing.

Having come from a massive city, we found the U.P to be a delight. The people are tough, and remind us of the characters in Northern Exposure. They tell stories that end in “eh” and involve bear hunting, being snowed in for months on end or else hilarious tales of drunken debauchery as they were snowed into the tavern for the night. A great sense of humor and thick skin are prerequisites to living in the U.P. But more than that you need to love the outdoors, because they creep in, and in the U.P there is no contest about which side would win- humanity or nature.

While in the U.P we baited bear, went fishing, hiked around waterfalls and up on the golden hills, and watched the leaves go from green to yellow to vibrant fire red.

See more of the epic photos of the leaves in transition on our photos page!

The time has come, my lovely friends, to bid adieu to the Middle Kingdom. We packed up our belongings– things we had acquired over two years in Beijing– and shipped them home in suitcases with friends over the course of a few weeks. When the 8th finally rolled around, we had a giant pile of suitcases to take with us, and of course tiny Gwendolyn and all of her belongings.

One side note. Our little baby was five weeks old when we boarded the plane from Beijing to Tokyo to Chicago. Yet she now has more clothing and accessories than both Mike and I combined. She has a car (stroller) a lazy-boy (car seat) and a contraption to strap her to our chests like royalty on parade. She also has a giant suitcase of clothing that spans from formal dresses and shoes to nightgowns and day clothes that would make Kate Middleton jealous. And that’s not even counting all of her diapers, wipes, lotions, soaps, medicines and more. So, of the five suitcases we flew out with, two were her things.

Our first flight to Tokyo was on JAL – Japanese Airlines. As someone who hates flying and hasn’t done it in over five years, I have to say that the folks at JAL were amazing. They took what could have been a horrible experience for me and turned it into a bit of a wonder. The ladies were so nice, beautiful and concerned with the baby’s comfort that it was almost over-the-top care. We went through the diplomatic line at security as JAL folks led us and the baby to the shortest line. We then went through security (baby got her first pat down) and then got priority boarding at the gate. Once on board they brought a snack for the baby (she was too young for bananas and crackers) and brought her toys (too young, but they left her a JAL burping bib) and then after takeoff they showed up immediately before giving drinks to anyone to set up the clip-on bassinet. Then they came by periodically to make sure she was comfortable and gave us a bag of diapers and wipes for her and allowed us to use the first class bathroom to change her. They were amazing. The flight was only slightly over three hours, and they filled that time up with doting on Gwen.

Then we had a five hour layover in Japan where we were shocked to discover a Mother’s Room with an area for breastfeeding, padding changing tables, and a tap that shot out purified, boiling water for cleaning bottles. Next door was a play area. We were so shocked at the care given to mothers, babies and kids in Japan, especially because in China people were still elbowing their way past me holding the baby at the airport, and smoking near her. Tsk tsk.

From Japan we boarded an American Airlines plane where the flight attendant never even acknowledged us. We had reserved a bassinet, but once in the air they said they couldn’t find it. They never brought us anything for the baby, and when Mike went to change her in the business class bathroom they kicked him out (the coach bathroom is smaller, smaller changing area impossible to use and a giant line to wait in while holding a fidgeting baby on turbulent winds). This flight was eleven hours long, which means that without the basket to rest her in we were stuck holding our newborn on our laps. That meant we couldn’t even fall asleep for a moment or she could fall. 11 hours of no sleep right over the nighttime was tough, really tough. And since we were landing in Chicago and renting a car we were worried we’d be too tired to drive. American Airlines was really, really bad. We were so dehydrated from lack of anything to drink in addition to sleep deprived and exhausted from holding up our eleven pound baby for eleven hours that we were near zombies when we landed. And by the way, there is no priority treatment for people with babies once you land in the USA. No Mother’s Room or anything. It’s hard to see such a stark contrast. (By the way, type in “American Airlines Sucks” on google to see more photo evidence).

We rented a car from Budget and the guy there upgraded our ride once Mike told him we had a newborn. That was a nice surprised. We had a Jeep Grand Cherokee and it barely held all of our luggage and piles of baby stuff.

So, we’re back in America and landed safely after 24 hours door-to-door with a newborn. She was a champ and didn’t cry once. And we’re so grateful to the amazing service on JAL for making the first part of our return so wonderful.

I’m growing a bit concerned about the folks on talk radio in the USA. We’ve had ol’ Limbaugh for quite some time, but recently I’ve noticed a surge in folks on the extreme right and left who take up the airways and fill them with drivel. Remember the good old days of Paul Harvey and ‘The Rest of the Story’? That was high quality radio right there! I’m really craving a show that gives interesting facts (not political points)or even a bit of American history. I know some stations donate a solid minute a day to history in the form of ‘this day in history’ but that simply doesn’t meet my apatite for good radio. I’d love a show where radio hosts interview surviving WWII veterans, or chat with politicians about their childhoods, moral ideologies and thoughts instead of their current events attitudes. It would be nice to see a wider picture of America than the Billboard top 20, the latest in celebrity gossip, and the diatribes of the psychotic.

Just a thought.

I don’t count. I simply do not exist nor do I count to the American government. Ten years ago I was overseas and wasn’t counted. As it happens, Americans living abroad not involved with the government are simply not counted in the census. Thus, for the last two censuses I’ve been nonexistent. A census representative had a booth set up in my home town. I asked the gentlemen about my status and made him exceedingly sad when I made a sad remark about not mattering. I think he took me a bit literally. Anyways, he filled me in on the policy of us non-VIPs living overseas. The bare bones of it—you don’t count.

This wasn’t my first interaction with the 2010 census. Down in Texas (where we did a bit of traveling last winter) we noticed dozens of billboards along the Mexican border with signs like “Be honest on the Census. Immigration officials do not have access to census files.” And things of that nature. We suddenly noticed some of Hollywood’s A-list stars on TV telling us politely to fill out the census forms. And each evening when we turned on the news we saw talking heads talking about the upcoming ordeal. How many millions were spent making these commercials, billboards and forms?—not to mention the folks who went door to door!

My personal experiences with the census didn’t stop with my sad encounter with the census rep in my home town. Nope, a young man came to the family home where I happened to be visiting and demanded to know why there were several people at the house when only one was listed. I told him I didn’t count, and he said that I did! Success! I matter again! He took down my name and hopped in his Toyota and zipped down the driveway as I basked in my newly gained self importance. I matter!

Alas, this simply isn’t the case. Recently up in the Upper Peninsula, in Michigan, a census woman emerged from the woods and inquired about our residency and status. We told her we sometimes matter and sometimes don’t, depending on which census representative is asking. Turns out we decidedly don’t matter in the UP. Defeated again! (although obviously, the April 1st point did not apply to us) On a funny side note, this poor lady said some of these cabins in the woods she is sent to have no roads, only paths, and she has walked several miles down trails only to emerge suddenly in the front yard of a small cabin. “Aren’t you worried about getting shot?” I asked her. “I’d get worker’s comp.” she replied. Funny lady. Apparently she has walked and hiked and driven all over the UP and has quite a few interesting encounters with the yoopers (upper peninsula locals) not to mention the very active wildlife. She confirmed my earliest suspicion that we didn’t matter and then laced up her hiking boots and headed back into the woods. This is one very thorough government!

Despite the seeming confusion about the census, I’m very excited to see the results. I can’t wait to see how some of the places I’ve lived and visited have changed and grown (or shrunk, whatever the case). I think it is a great practice, and I am honestly excited about it. Almost like a sitcom you love that you have to wait to see the finale for—come on 2010 census information! I wonder how long it will take for the results to get into the public domain (aka-Wikipedia) for each city/county/state, etc.

We’ve spent a few weeks in Michigan’s UP, the Upper Peninsula surrounded by great lakes. It is a beautiful, if not rugged landscape that grows tough, hardy people who are simultaneously hard as nails and yet as friendly as Home Improvement’s Wilson character. You can walk into a diner or bar in the UP and see some of the world’s most flannel-clad, bearded and grime covered men, only to have them pull out a chair for you or hold open the door with a tip of their baseball cap. It reminds me of a time I’ve never experienced, but only heard about. People leave their doors unlocked, and neighbors stop by almost daily to chat about the weather, the fishing conditions or whether or not you saw the deer out by the lake the previous evening.

Here is a story to demonstrate my point: The septic tank pump broke and alarms were going off in the cabin. We dug out the still water hole and replaced the pump. Meanwhile, neighbors from the left and right side of the cabin sauntered over to offer their help, advice and the use of their facilities until we solved the problem. Neighbors from even further down the road heard of the incident and drove by to see if they could help. It was like a sitcom scene where the whole town shows up in the yard to help one family. I had heard of such things in the past from my grandparents (or history books) but up in the UP that is just daily life. The community has taken us under their wing, given us local history lessons, books, food and fishing and hiking tips. It’s like we’re part of the family—two long lost prodigal grandchildren who suddenly returned from out of the woods. It’s a great feeling, and one we’ve never experienced anywhere we’ve traveled. All hail to simplicity!

On an unrelated note, our time in the UP has yielded quite a few fish as we try our hands at acquiring our food from the wild. As it stands, I have caught several large bass while Mike seems to be a pro at walleye and pike. I learned to filet the fish, a task which involved (sadly) cutting it open and taking out the parts Americans don’t eat. It made me sad since we’ve seen folks in China dig into the organs and eyes, head, etc and yet we’re wasting those parts here in the US. I have no idea how to cook fish head, but when I’m back in China I’ll take a cooking lesson or two so I don’t have to toss out half the fish in the future. I have this theory that you shouldn’t eat meat if you couldn’t or wouldn’t go out and catch/kill it yourself and prepare it from the moment you capture it to the moment you eat it. I’m testing this long-held philosophy with the fish. So far, it involves petting the bass and apologizing to it, turning around while Mike stuns it, and then I’ll cut it open (while apologizing) and then filet and skin the meat parts. Then I apologize a bit more while I’m washing and storing the fish. I never considered myself a city girl, but I think these Yoopers (UP locals) would have a good laugh if they saw me petting and apologizing to my recently caught bass.

We just returned this evening from a small neighborhood gathering where some of the town’s most well known locals had us (and a few other cabins) over for desert. We chatted about many things, but no political or religious conversations emerged. We talked at great length, however, about the beaver population (did you know a beaver can live up to 80 years!) and told stories around the table of our travels abroad (everyone was extremely intelligent and well traveled). I have to say, it was a really amazing, simple and perfect evening with the Yoopers.

There is something very strange about the way humans approach booze, and how each nation address alcohol both politically and culturally in extremely unique ways. For example, in America we make it illegal for anyone under 21 to buy alcohol. However, when you do reach that age there is a massive party wherein your first introduction to the drink is compounded by the fact that everyone you know comes out to the bar to get you intoxicated. It is a right of passage, a coming of age ritual and a test of one’s man or womanhood. After that fateful night, drinking in America takes on a purely social atmosphere, and no real gathering is complete without it and every gathering with liquor is somewhat more casual because of the addition. Our time in Europe showed the same to be true, though with a bit less of an adherence to drinking ages. Not so elsewhere.

In China, where we’ve spent quite a bit of time, there seems to be no legal age (although officially it is 18-19). You can often find youths drinking at the bars who appear to be quite young. And in fact no one is ever ‘carded’ in China. Contrary to what most people might assume, this does not breed an atmosphere ripe for degradation. Chinese youths hardly ever take their lax drinking rules for granted, nor do they abuse the booze at a young age, as would be expected if we suddenly made the drinking age 18 in the USA. There is, however, a similar ‘right of passage’ for most Chinese males that involves alcohol. At banquets (which are the preferred method of congregation) everyone sits around a round table, and the person of honor goes around the table and does a small glass of beer  or rice wine with every guest. This makes the guest of honor extremely drunk, and this is something to be quite proud of and admired (on special occasions, only). This often prompts Chinese men to approach Mike and ask, “How many beers can you drink?” Which, of course, Mike did not know the answer to at first. Now it appears this is a staple of maleness, though I cannot stress enough that it seems to happen only in large groups. By the way, the Chinese way of saying ‘cheers’ is “gan-bei” which literally means ’empty glass’ or ‘bottoms up.’ which they take literally when drinking beer. Another interesting bit of drinking culture in China– the person of more status should always have their glass slightly higher when clinking it with someone glasses. So, if you are not the guest of honor, your goal is to touch the top of your glass with the bottom of theirs. This results in fun games where people try to show honor to each other by putting their glasses lower. I saw one group of men putting their glasses on the floor to clink them, showing no one was higher than the other. Here is an example from a Chinese TV show:

In Central Asia we found drinking to be somewhat deplorable. Even worse than a man drinking is a woman drinking, and on the rare occasions I ordered a beer in public I could sense eyes judging me. However, we did notice quite a few drunk people on the streets at night, which means it is an underbelly sort of activity reserved for underbelly types. This obviously wasn’t the case in the major cities we visited in Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan and Turkmenistan, but definitely in smaller towns drinking seemed to be a big no-no!

In Mongolia, drinking is a large part of life. We stayed with a family in their ger for three days and nights, and the husband attempted to get us intoxicated on a nightly basis. He would drink after dinner and smoke Pal Mall unfiltered outside his ger as he looked up at the stars. This cowboy lifestyle works well for them and they are extremely happy. Meanwhile, their drinking culture is very inclusive, they pull in everyone and the goal is to have as much fun as possible. There was little segregation because of my gender, and contrary to what I assumed, they welcomed me into their poker game almost immediately. When we left to get on the bus on our final day, our host bought us a round of beers which we all chugged before climbing aboard for a 3 hour ride (big mistake!). Alcohol is used as a social tool to make people happy, include more people into the gathering, and draw everyone into one ger for warmth, entertainment (no TVs out on the steppe) and hours of story telling and card playing.

We’re not experts on these cultures or their drinking habits, but that is what we observed while traveling around from place to place and trying to experience these cultures in the ways they exist when no one is watching.

In recent months I’ve come to realize what my psychology (and statistics) professors meant by ‘Negative Response Theory.’ Essentially, people who are unhappy with a given situation are more likely to go out of their way to voice their opinions than people who are happy with the same situation. This skews all polls (as people with a grumpier outlook on the situation will go out of their way to participate while content people won’t) and makes having a blog somewhat unnerving. Here’s what I mean:

We write a lot of posts about the places we visit, and the people we talk to or the experiences we have. Its meant to be a fun travel website that really documents our journeys and has a bit of information on what we experienced, heard or saw. Nevertheless, total strangers go out of their way to point out flaws in the website. It is very rare that a total stranger goes out of his or her way to point out something good. Perhaps our site is total crap, or perhaps this is a perfect example of negative response theory. It is depressing because our culture trains us to be critical thinkers, which most of us view as a good thing, but some people just take it too far. Now we have a nation of amateur lawyers trying to find holes in every argument, conversation or passing phrase. To an extent this is healthy, but by and large I’m starting to think that Americans can’t enjoy anything anymore because they never stop questioning things.

But, and this is why it is depressing, Americans hardly ever seem to take action. I hear people complain all around me about the government, taxes, their township, etc., but instead of taking meaningful action they vent their frustrations by leaving negative and critical feedback everywhere they visit on the web. The web is now the world’s largest therapist as it offers a way to interact with the world by venting your built up frustrations and redirecting your anger at more meaningless (and therefore manageable) problems. For example, we’ve had a lot of people attack a post we did on a one day trip to Malaga. People go out of their way to leave an ‘I disagree!” comment, often without even reading the original blog post! We reserve the right to approve or deny all comments posted on our site, and are sad to report that some comments were so full of hatred and vile that we did not ‘ok’ them. We have children reading the site for goodness sakes! But the real issue is why someone, anyone, would get so upset about a random post on a random travel site. Methinks the issue lies elsewhere, but it doesn’t stop be from losing a lot of the passion I used to have for writing these posts. In a country where freedom of speech reached its pinnacle, I feel completely suppressed because it no longer matters what I say– someone will exercise their right to speak against it, even if they have no idea why! Here’s what I mean:

See, the poor guy was just trying to play ‘Dust in the Wind’ on his fake guitar. He isn’t hurting anyone, and yet people went out of their way to be rude. If they didn’t like it they should have navigated away from the page, which is what I suggest you do if you don’t like our website.  Nobody is forcing you to read it, after all.

We get a lot of questions about how we manage different aspects of full-time travel. To answer them, we’ve put together a special Resources page on the website that will hopefully help people find out if they can Abandon their Cubicles, how to do it, where to get the things they need to do it successfully, and just some general information on traveling. We’re not claiming to be any authority on the topic, we’re just hoping to help! here’s what the new page covers:

Is It Feasible. The ‘should you?’ the ‘could you?’ and the ‘how to do’ of abandoning your cubicle. Whether you are thinking of a leave of absence to travel for a few weeks or months, or a full out Jerry Maguire storm out,t hen this will help you assess if now is the best time, and some of the things to consider before you flick off your boss.

Insurance. Lots of people need this to travel. Although we don’t personally have any travel insurance (yet) we’ve checked out some of the options and we have a few links posted that could maybe provide you with what you are looking for. Coverage for a short-term trip shouldn’t run you more than $250, so be wary of people who charge by the month or who promise you year-long coverage for less.

Visas. These little stamps can cost you big bucks, and be a royal pain. But thankfully there are some easy ways to tackle visas like nifty visa services. For some countries (Russia) you’ll have to use a service if you want it done right, fast and without hassle. For others you’re better off doing it alone. We give you some tips on the resources page, as well as at the bottom of every destination page.

Guides. Seasoned travelers always have their favorite guide books, and hardly ever deviate from those. We use a mix of our favorite guide book (which we won’t give a free promo here) and online sites like travel blogs for the area, or wikitravel. We have more info to be found about guides on the resources page!

Languages. The number one thing people ask us about is how we get around without speaking native languages. The answer is that we try really, really hard to learn. We do that with language guide books, i-touch programs, online sites and a lot more. Its important to us to try to talk to people in their native tongue, and we use a lot of different resources to try to achieve that aim.

Equipment. People get really excited about the equipment we use. We’ll meet someone on a camping trail and spend the first fifteen minutes talking supplies before we even get around to introductions. A good tent can make or break the whole trip, and everyone who travels full time has very strong, very serious views about cook stoves.

Expat and Teaching. Many people go overseas for a change of pace to look for an expat-style job or to teach English while they enjoy the local culture. We have some resources for you to do both, including how you can get your teaching certificate (which we did last year, just in case!).

Social Media & Staying Connected. We also listed some nifty travel websites, travel tools online, and ways to stay connected with your loved ones while on the road.

So, to see all that info and more, check out the new Resources page!