Archives 2009

Stalin's Head

Gori is a relatively small town nestled against a weak river with a small fortress resting on a hill in the center of town. Once the fortress served to protect the residents, now it is a minor attraction; the primary attraction in town is the Stalin Museum, built next to the remains of the home where Stalin’s mother and father lived with him for the first several years of his life.
We jumped off the bus from Tbilisi in downtown Gori, and went about finding a place to leave our bags so we could explore the town. Hotel costs were ridiculously high, but we knew of a home-stay that had bad reviews, but at least two beds available. We found the home-stay and dropped our belongings before searching for food.

We found one of the most amazing restaurants on the planet, I’m sure you’d agree. It was run by several men who also owned the place. Inside there were no decorations, just a bar with a marble counter-top and several tables you could stand around. The menu was only in Russian, but as one of the owners spoke a bit of English, he helped us order. “Plate of meat or plate of hotdog meat, or plate of cow meat.” We ordered plat of meat and were shocked when he slapped down a metal plate full of pork ribs, perfectly cooked. We gulped these down with our “plate of bread” which was a whole loaf of wheat bread. The only thing to drink on the menu was beer, and he made sure our cups were never empty. There were no women in the place, and all the town’s men had gathered for their ‘plate of meat’ and beer, and were happily bunched in groups all around the room chatting. Everyone was happy and introduced themselves, and the owner called an English-speaking friend on the phone to talk to us about Gori. When it came time to leave (after much beer and meat) they refused all payment attempts and invited us to climb to the church with them in the morning.

In the morning, needless to say, we were unfit to climb to a church of any sort. We pulled ourselves out of bed with so much effort and found that the home-stay was of disgusting quality, with damp beds and dirty walls—easily the worst place we’ve ever slept. We cleaned up and then climbed up the hill to the top of the fortress to look around. Gori is a small city, but a quaint one, and the view from atop the castle was well worth the early-morning hangover climb. We had a quick breakfast on Stalin Ave before heading to the Stalin museum. A group of four Marines from the USA were ready for an English-guided tour, so we tagged along. We were rushed from spot to spot, and all of us exchanged glances when she skipped a whole room called “collectivization.” It was a mixed-bag of history and lore, but some of the items from his personal collection were interesting, and the well-preserved home his parents raised him in has since been cased in marble outside the museum for all to see.

Having had enough of Stalin, we dropped by the “man bar” but our host from the night before was nowhere in sight. We waved at the patrons we recognized, and wondered if they ever left the restaurant at all. At the bus stop, we easily found the marshutka to Bjormi, and I fell asleep on the back bench of the van while a Georgian military kid in front of us played American music for our entertainment on his cell phone.

Mike at the Summit

In the morning we awoke to the sounds of people around us, and, paranoid that we should perhaps not be camping on church grounds, packed up our tent and decided to start hiking further up the mountain. There is a glacier about 900m up (but over 3k distance wise) the mountain, so we aimed for that. With the packs, the going was slow, but we made progress slowly as we watched the summit of this 2000m mountain loom closer.

Once at the top, there was an astonishing view of the glacier beyond, and of base camp one for mount Kazbeki assents. It was noon and we decided that without warmer clothing and clamp-ons for our boots we should not risk crossing a glacier to reach a frozen plateau where we could freeze to death in our tiny tent. We turned around and began the descent. However, midway down the mountain a grump of a cloud hovered over us and began to pour, we threw down our bags, and in less than a minute our tent was assembled with us dry inside. We waited out the storm on the edge of the mountain in this fashion, playing cribbage, making a small esbit fire for food and warming up in the sleeping bags. Two hikers (now soaked) climbed up and we emerged from our tent for a top-of-the-world get to know ya. They were photographers on a mission to photo raptor birds in the wild. We chatted a bit before breaking down the tent and continuing our descent.

We passed the church, and our campsite from the night before, and in the middle of the woods encountered a Frenchman on his way up named Julien. We chatted a bit before climbing down the rest of the mountain.

Back in town, we ate at the same café as the day before, and they advised us on camping in the park on the edge of town. We ordered food and a few beers and Julien showed up and joined us for dinner and told us about his amazing trip from France to basically all over. We had a few rounds of beers while Julien had a few rounds of French fries and then it got dark while we told travel stories. It was already late so we quickly headed into the park once the beers were empty and the mosquitoes emerged. In the park there was a stream bisecting the north and south parts. We crossed a log over the river by moonlight, and set up our tent on the northern bank.

In the morning, we packed up the tent and faced a river that, in daylight, looked impossible to cross with our bags. Somehow, in the moonlight, it had seemed safer. We managed to cross the rickety log without incident and then got lucky when we nabbed two seats on a bus back to Tbilisi. Although I was car-sick the entire time, it was a pleasant enough ride with a great group of people who were about as friendly as any group could be.

Hiking

Kazbegi is a mountain town nestled smack dab between South Ossetia and Chechynia, in northern Georgia. All around this peaceful and beautiful valley wars rage off and on while the serenity and peacefulness of this particular town and the surrounding mountains has been maintained for generations on end. Indeed, in times of turmoil in Tbilisi, artifacts would be rushed to this region for safe keeping from any invading force or political what-have-you.

I was hesitant to go north due to State Department warnings and because I read the news regularly and know that the border areas are about as stable as a three legged dog. But, after meeting several Georgians, travelers and even government workers who vacationed in the area, we felt assured, and packed a small bag to take with on our journey north.

The bus careened up a road in such disrepair that it does not deserve to be called a pathway at all. Our bus’ tires screeched along pebbles mere inches from drop-offs that would have decimated any vehicle unlucky enough to fall over the edge. They would have a hell of a time searching (and identifying) body parts should the bus tumble out of control. Rather than harp on the uncontrollable, I shut my eyes and woke up occasionally to the sounds of honking, squealing tires, and eventually, of the parking break.

Mike and Friend

Kazbegi was the classic cowboy town, with one main street through town (littered with cows on their way to greener pastures) and lined with tiny shops, cafes, and a few hostels. We bypassed all of these and found a café on the outskirts of town where we ordered a few beers and the only item in English on the menu: Plate of Meat.

After eating, we climbed the mountain behind the town to the church, which is where religious artifacts are kept in times of trouble. With heavy packs, the walk was grueling, but we made it fun with chatter and joking until we suddenly emerged from the woods to see the clouds breaking and light pouring over the tiny church as if God was peeling back the clouds for a look.

Strangely enough, when I entered the church a man approached me with a wrap-around skirt that he insisted I put over my jeans. Apparently the Orthodox church likes women to have their head covered and a skirt around their legs. After traveling through several Muslim countries, I was shocked that this was the most conservative religious experience yet: I was in long pants, hiking boots, a sweater, a head-scarf and now a wrap-around skirt. I looked ridiculous. I’ll never understand traditions like this, unless you grow up with it, it just comes across as odd.

We set up camp near the base of the church, and Mike made a small fire so we could cook some ramen noodles and tea (our camping staples) before watching the sunset and climbing into our sleeping bags and falling quickly asleep.

Our introduction to Georgia was astonishing. While the country itself is beautiful but developing, the people could not be any finer. When we arrived in Tbilisi on the night train from Baku, it was 10:00am and people were bustling about outside the train station selling socks, ping pong paddles and other strange items. We quickly converted some USD to lari, and headed off in the direction of a hostel recommended in a guide book.We arrived at said hostel, which was supposed to be a home-stay of sorts, to be met with a friendly but incredibly drunk woman in her 60s who was scantily clad and perhaps raving mad. We went down the street and found another hostel called the Green Stairs. While the rooms were shabby at best (it could reach a staggering 130 degrees at midday due to the greenhouse-like roof) the owner was so friendly that we ended up staying in Tbilisi longer than planned just to be around him.

Tbilisi itself is an incredible city, but one in disarray. Every beautiful building has seen better days, and cracked paint and splitting wood is the norm. The back alleys are safe, and we gave ourselves a tour of the city while searching for a café with wi-fi (such is the life of a modern traveler).

Having found an area with wi-fi we discovered we were in the tourist hub of the city, with fanny-packs and tinted visors galore. We toured around from church to church, admiring the craftsmanship and the devout followers. The interior of each is unique but similar, with pictures of decapitated saints and skull and bones under the cross (none of which made sense to us). We sat around the city like two people who had just run a marathon, and lazed about for several days in Tbilisi, taking it all in. We planned out route through the Republic of Georgia, and generally moved at a pace not unlike a snails.

Pretty Kitty

We only had a five day transit visa for Azerbaijan. It is a relatively small country and while we would have liked to stay longer than five days, the visa was 130$ for 30 days or $20 for five days, so we took the later and decided to see as much as we could in the time we could afford to buy.

We spent the morning walking around the city as we weaved our way to the train station to reserve tickets for the evening’s 10pm train to Tbilisi. When we arrived at the station we wondered from window to window asking about a train to Georgia’s capital. Every window-attendant just shrugged, mumbled in Russian, and pointed to another window. We literally made our way, one on each side, down the entire 24 window ticket buying area asking each person, all of whom was rude, and down-right mean. Finally, I started asking other travelers. Most were friendly enough, but said that they did not know how to buy a ticket either. Everyone looked frustrated, annoyed and disgusted with the ticket salespeople. Finally, as I was about to cry, two Azeri boys said they would help us. They stood there patiently with Mike and made sure he got a good ticket for a fair price and then even helped translate from Russian to English for us. Without those friendly boys we might still be wandering around the ticketing office from window to window like lost children.

We headed to the train station at 9:30 a bit depressed that we already had to leave. Our time with the American family in Baku was great, and as we waited for the train to leave we found we already missed the fun loving antics of their young child, who had kept us company over the past few days.

The train was supposed to take 15 hours, but as with everything in the Caucus we’d experience thus far, the time was much more. But, this turned out (as it usually does) to be a good thing. We met Famil on the train, the young man who had helped us purchase our tickets earlier that day. His bunk was only a few doors down from our sleeper train compartment, so he spent the evening drinking beers on the train with us and chatting. His English was phenomenal, and he told us how he spent time in Barcelona and Turkey, as well as in Georgia and his home country of Azerbaijan. He speaks several languages fluently and is learning Spanish. An older gentlemen calling himself Frank (for our benefit) was also in our compartment. He tried to communicate with us in Russian and charades, the latter of which was more effective. A friendly and talkative cabin-mate, this gentlemen was fun to travel with and kept us all entertained with his storied (some of which Famil translated for us).

Azerbaijan, being currently in the middle of an oil boom, is as expensive as Europe. We were confined to Baku because we only had a few days on our transit visa. We talked with other travelers about the best sights and heard about the James Bond Oil Fields, which were featured in the opening scenes of The World is Not Enough. We set off on a bus for 20cents to the city’s largest mosque, which was destroyed (not surprisingly) by the Russians and rebuilt recently atop the hill overlooking the oil fields. Several dozen nodding donkeys pumped oil out of the ground in the field along the Caspian while dozens others were nestled in people’s backyards or along the side of the road. The entire area was alive with up and down movements everywhere you looked. The site, however, sounds cooler than it actually is because you are not permitted to go anywhere near any of them, and can only look down on the chaos from atop a rather tall hill. We spent most of our time watching the dock workers at the Caspian Shipping Company as they loaded a research vassal and an oil rig builder.

We heard about the mud volcanoes outside of Baku several hours, but everyone said they were lame and to skip it because the cab drivers who wait at the bus stop to pick up tourists will take you out to the mud volcanoes and then charge an arm and a leg to get you back to the bus. Meanwhile, the volcanoes themselves are apparently very small and unimpressive. Having seen the boiling mud craters in Darvaza in Turkmenistan, we were fine to skip it.

The Maiden’s Tower in Old Town was amazing. The architecture and construction of the tower was unlike any other for its time, and historians still argue about the purpose of the odd structure. It is called the maiden’s tower not for any damsel in distress saga, but because the tower is impenetrable, with 5m thick walls. From the top there is a great view of the Caspian, but an even better view of Baku.

Old Town is well worth some time getting lost. We spent hours walking around the back alleys, admiring the stacks of moldy bread and playing with the endless supply of feral cats. The nearby fountain park area displays old European architecture that is steadily being rebuilt and recovered in sandstone facades of the new style. The entire area was under construction when we were there, with sandstone flying everywhere as experts carved new bricks.
The Boulevard along the Caspian is a beautiful, several kilometer long parkway that is soon to be the gem of the city. This was also under construction while we were there, but this did not prevent us from enjoying the views, or the shade of the trees in the hot summer sun.

By far the two most interesting things we saw in Baku were the Monument to the Martyrs and the Cemetery. The first was a large park with a headstone for each person slaughtered by the Armenians in the massacre of 1992. There was a monument to those who fell to the Russians in 1990 and even a small monument marking the graves of the British who died in Baku trying to keep the Turkish from invading during World War I. The cemetery contains the resting place of the president, as well as celebrities, scientists and other important people from Azerbaijan’s history. You can take a little tram ride up the side of the hill to reach these two spots for 20cents, and it’s well worth the trip.

We arrived in Baku at 1:00am and disembarked from the ferry with a sigh, it had been an amazing trip, and although it was over 30 hours from boarding to alighting, we were sad that the ‘cruise’ was over. By the time we got through the ridiculously lengthily customs and border check at the sea port it was around 3:00am. Being thrifty, “a penny saved is a penny earned,” we decided that spending $20 each on a hostel that night was a waste of money since we’d only get to sleep a few hours. After a short debate we decided it would be humorous to stay awake all night and watch the sunrise. We heard a rumor that there was a McDonald’s in town, and we were determined to be there for the Mc-Awesome-Breakfast. We strolled along Baku’s main boulevard along the Caspian shore-front, a magnificently redesigned and renovated walkway that parallels main European fairways.

At one point along the walkway Mike rested himself upon a bench and I walked down to see if there was anywhere in the cover of trees to pitch our tent for a few hours of rest. As I was walking alone looking for a spot, a man approached me and was so persistently asking for something and winking so devilishly that when he came close and attempted to reach out at me I was forced to yell for him to desist and put my hand on the knife I always carry. He continued to pester me and I had to pull the knife out and glare grumpily. All the while I was walking (trying to appear calm) towards Mike, and when I was within earshot I called out to Mike and the creepy stranger sauntered off into the trees and disappeared. Having pulled my knife on someone within an hour of landing in a country we decided that all night walk-abouts were perhaps best carried out on lighted streets.

We cut into downtown Baku and were amazed at the beauty and architecture of the city. The entire place is being renovated and upgraded as Azerbaijan is in the midst of a very profitable oil boom. New facades of shaped sandstone with wooden balconies are going up all over the main parkways in the city, giving the entire city a facelift. We walked around in bafflement at how European the city appeared. Having found that the McDonald’s was not a 24 hour establishment in Azerbaijan, we walked to a nearby Turkish donar booth and purchased a few beers. This was the earliest breakfast beer of my life at 4:30 in the morning, but we toasted our much-anticipated arrival in Baku as the sun rose above the sandstone buildings around fountain park.

Having returned to the ferry terminal after our morning attempt failed and we had decided to enjoy the day with a nice swim, we were dismayed when we arrived and found the parking lot empty. The woman who had talked to us earlier smiled and gave us some advice: “Put your name on the list.” This was the first real information we’d received the whole trip about the ferry. What was this mysterious list?

The list turned out to be a log of people waiting in the other room. When a cargo ship has extra room and weight they allow a few passengers to make passage across the Caspian on their ship for a small fee. If a ship is transporting oil, no passengers are allowed. Outside the ferry terminal there were two cargo ships busily loading whole wooden train containers into their belly’s. We added ourselves to the list as numbers 15 and 16, and then discovered there were only 15 seats available.

We waited a while. No one knows anything because there is nothing to know. We had only to wait for the cargo to be loaded, and for a wind storm to pass before the captains of both ships would release how much space they had available. After eleven tickets were given out, the widow was closed. It reopened a bit later once the Captain’s lists arrived. There were plenty of seats for everyone waiting! We got our coupon and ran around to the various windows to de-register and then customs and baggage search before being ushered out to a ship. With a tear-filled goodbye to the drive and translator, we went through customs without incident and headed towards the ship.

The cargo ship contained several railway cars and a hull full of large metal boxes. We reluctantly gave up our passports to the Captain, as well as $100 each, and then followed a man in a T-shirt that went down to his knees up a rickety metal latter into the belly of the vessel. We climbed several sets of stairs that were more like metal ladders before we emerged into a narrow hallway covered in plastic painted to look like wood grain. He led us to a cabin and walked off without even a head nod. We smiled and waved cheerily, determined to make friends on the boat, but he wasn’t interested. Sailors really are tough as nails.

Our cabin was atrocious, but since we were expecting the worst we found it only amusing and entirely hilarious. The room had two bunks covered in blankets that looked like they were hand-woven in the 1500s. A desk along one wall was so smashed it made the room look like an abandoned cabin in the woods. Two wall cabinets with broken hooks and punched in doors held dirty linens and a sofa cushion (there is no couch on board) and then there was the bathroom, which deserves its own paragraph:

You have to kick open the door while you turn the poo-covered door knob and throw your shoulder into the upper section in order to get it to budge. Once the door is open, it takes every ounce of focus not to slam it shut again. A sink to the left inside the door is filled with bug carcasses. The shower head is rusted into modern art, while the basin that collects water from the shower now houses a collection of spider webs and urine stains. The toilet seat was down, thankfully, but Mike opened it for inspection. It contained several petrified turds. The piping was nonexistent and any water (if there was running water that is) would have to drain via a hole in the center of the tiny room that was rusted by urine. There was no light in the room, and only flies (of which there were dozens) and mysterious white spiders would dare to be in the room. The door, needless to say, was thus always firmly shut.

We set sail around 10pm, and I was soundly asleep so did not notice until morning that we had even moved. Out on the deck a strange collection of flying insects had swarmed the boat, and were now clinging onto the sides for dear life. Literally millions of the bugs would swarm any human unlucky enough to be required to walk down an exterior hallway. In the afternoon I ventured onto the deck to take pictures of the ship and search for the source of a strange and ever-constant banging noise. The bugs swarmed so ferociously that I could not inhale without sucking several in through my nostrils. The banging turned out to be the entire non-essential crew on the lower deck chiseling rust off of the main desk. They used crowbars to chisel while the bugs swarmed around them. I watched for several minutes until too many bugs blocked my vision and were so infesting my clothes that I was itching all over. I returned to my now luxurious-seeming cabin to type about the adventures on the ferry thus far, and to read. It was not until late afternoon that I returned on deck to inspect the bug situation and to find the source of an endless supply of Latin music. Young crewmen were lifting weights to the sounds of Shakira, some wrestling each other while others danced or lifted. It was a happy looking crew, despite the bugs, lack of food, lack of bathroom and crappy sleeping quarters. Strangely, everyone on board was happy to be there, ourselves included. We had tried so hard, and focused so much to get aboard a ship to Baku, that now we were thrilled to be in the petrified shit room covered in bugs and without running water or available food. Utopia couldn’t be sweeter than the feelings we had on board the ferry of euphoria and happiness.

Awaza Resort (New Dubai) Hotel

Having heard and read countless horror stories of the ferry situation from Turkmenbashi to Baku, we were eager to try for ourselves. Many a tried and tested traveler has waited for these infamous ferries only to give up and fly across the Caspian after several days of waiting. We were determined not to spoil the integrity of our “by land only” trip from Shanghai to the Western world by jumping on a plane now, having come so far. With a difficult path across the ocean ahead, we set off from Ashgabat, the capital of Turkmenistan, by car to Turkmenbashi, the city on the Turkmenistan coast. The ride is a bone-jarring seven hours, which Lauren spent entirely, unconsciously asleep while Mike looked out the window at the camels and barren landscape. We rode in style in a Land Cruiser with decked out suspension and four-wheel drive. Even more importantly, we had a cooler with day-old pizzas and a recently acquired (thanks Emily) bottle of Captain Morgan and coke. The industrious driver quickly poured out a bottle of water and used his bowie knife to cut it into a cup for Lauren’s cherished Captain Coke. The driver would yell out “SIP BREAK!” between bumps and Lauren would gulp a bit down, making this the most luxurious ride so far. The trip, thanks to the Captain and the napping, went by quickly and we pulled into Turkmenbashi without incident.

Turkmenbashi is a fascinating city with brightly painted buildings that make the white marble palaces of Ashgabat seem bland. We situated ourselves in a hotel in Awaza (the ritzy new area of Turkmenbashi that the president hopes will soon

be “the Dubai of the Caspian.” There is much work to be done before this collection of hotels along the coast picks of the resort vibe that city planners hope to achieve. One is required to drive past a large lake of oil sludge and sewage that has collected over several years and reeks in a way that is indescribably bad, though I’ll try: boiled eggs, vomit and peanut butter mixed with fish rot and the smell of sweaty sandals after a long walk.

Having situated ourselves comfortably in the hotel, we ran down to the beach and jumped in the Caspian without fanfare. The water was cold and the waves were strong, but the sea snakes that had been present on our last visit to Turkmenbashi were now gone. After several hours Mike and the driver set off to find beers, and returned with a nice collection of beer and chips, which we ate after dinner, while watching TV and gazing out across the Caspian.

The following morning was D-day for our first attempt at catching the ferry. We awoke and ate breakfast at the hotel. We picked up our translator and together drove to the ferry terminal. Originally, we wanted to do this entirely without assistance, but as the stories mounted of travelers being rejected or stranded, we opted for help. Our translator inquired around the ferry terminal about when the ships that were docked would leave for Baku. Nobody could provide an answer and the window where you buy a ticket was decidedly vacant. A border guard told us that nothing would launch until the storm passed. There were, currently, very high winds but no rain or clouds in the sky. There were about six women and their various children sitting in the waiting room, all of whom looked dejected, miserable and downtrodden. One woman, who turned out to be from Ashgabat, spoke to us in English saying a ferry might be possible that afternoon.  We got no other information and decided not to sit around and wait since we had the luxury of a driver and translator.  We went back to the hotel, swam in the Caspian until we were exhausted, ate a hearty lunch and then all returned to the ferry terminal.  More had gathered in the waiting room, but there was still no information.

Here is the process you must follow when trying to get a ferry, since many people want this information and no one else provides it in one place:

1) Put your name on the list as soon as you arrive. The list is a little notebook sitting on the counter in the ticket office. If it isn’t there, ask around until someone gets it for you.

2) After the ticket window is opened (only when a ferry if fully loaded with cargo and the Captain’s lists arrive) you will be issued a coupon. This is NOT a ticket. This simply means you were on one of the lists and deserve a spot on a ship.

3) Take your coupon to a nearby window (unmarked, but you’ll see a line of other passengers forming) where two border guards will take your passport information for their exit records.

4) Go to the waiting room and get in line to go through customs. Despite being in line, the guards come out and point at who they want to process next, don’t be offended, they take the ones who look hard to process first.

5) Once behind the white wall that separates the custom’s process from the waiting room, give your passport again to the officer waiting at a table inside the door.

6) From there, guards will usher you to a conveyor belt where your bags will be scanned and searched, they will weigh heavy-looking bags.

7) Confusingly, you need to hand your passport to a man in a window-booth across from the conveyor belt, so put your bags down and prepare to wait; here you will be de-registering from Turkmenistan. They will take your registration card out of your passport, and give you an exit stamp. Do not leave the country without it or you will be denied entry to your next country.

8) Follow the green line on the floor out into the port. Guards will be stationed to usher you ever 100m or so to an awaiting vessel. Follow their direction.

9) Once you step onto a ship, you’ll be surprised at how rough the accommodations will be. Someone will demand your

passport and the passage fee. It is safe to give them your passport, they need them to log who is on the ship, and having done ferry services without any reported incidents of passport theft, it will be safe. The fee is supposed to be $90 USD per person, but we ended up paying $100, which they said we could pay or else get off the boat. The fee includes a room.

10) Follow someone on the ship to the passenger quarters. These usually contain a bunk (or up to four in a room) and a bathroom with no running water and petrified turds in a broken toilet. Don’t use your facilities, use the public ones down the hall. Don’t complain about your room because they are all equally bad. Even though you are boarded, the ferry might not leave for several hours. Don’t ask why, you’ll get no answer anyway as no one knows anything on board the ship. In the same vein, don’t bother asking when you’ll arrive or how long the journey is. Some take 12 hours, ours took closer to 24, others report 16-18 hour trips.

11) Once you arrive in Baku, the process to disembark and go through customs is very efficient, but a lengthily process. It took our group over four hours to go through customs, start to finish. As a tip, do not mention Armenia, as the two countries are at war. Once you are processed and in the country with your entry stamp, you can hire a cab or you can simply walk away from the docks into town.

Good luck!  By the way, the process is the same whether you are going from Turkmenbashi to Baku or vice versa.

As you know, we’ve spent the last two months in Turkmenistan putting back on some of the weight we lost in Kazakhstan, and relaxing in the desert sunshine. While on holiday in the least hospitable deserts in the world, we took the downtime as an opportunity to order more gear and rearrange the stuff we have to make it more manageable on the onward journey.

Lauren’s backpack (a knock-off from China) broke 30 seconds into the trip. She bought a new one in Shanghai and it broke approximately 6 days into the trip. The lesson here: never buy knock-offs from China– they have a serious quality control problem! So, while in Turkmenistan Lauren spent her mornings doing yoga to fix the crooked spine she received carrying a 50lb. bag on one strap, and spent the evenings reading reviews on women’s expedition packs. Her new bag, an REI venus expedition bag, is amazing. It has a front-loader feature, more room, a bottom tie-on strap and a fully adjustable carry system designed for women. She is happy now, and with some of the weight removed, her 40lb, fitted bag is perfect.

In addition to the pack, Lauren ordered a three-man tent from REI (thanks to her father, who paid for that AND the awesome pack for her). The Marmot tent  we finally settled on is easy to assemble and clean, and very compact. We tested the tent in the desert on four occasions and are very happy with the quality. It is a two season tent designed for warm weather, so you can actually lay in the tent and see the stars through the mesh top. Way cool.

Since we have a tent, we needed sleeping bags. Lauren’s father also supplied those, a survival kit, and a super-nifty all-purpose camp pot to boil water in for soups and coffee. Mike purchased an mini stove with fuel tablets as well, so we are now carrying all of our food, accomedation, bedding and clothing, and a small library.

“Why are you carrying a library on your back?” you might ask. The answer is that we ordered the Lonely Planet guides for every country we’ll be going through. We need them for the maps, primarily, but also for information on visas and border crossings. You’d be surprised how much they come in handy.

While in Turkmenistan we mailed some of the things we were not using back to the States. We mailed half of our clothing, a giant pile of rocks we collected from the trip (“why were we carrying these?”) Lauren’s guitar covered in stickers from her family, and about 10 books and half of our medical kit. We discovered when it comes to carrying your house on your back, you want the smallest possible amount of stuff. Very zen, if you think about it.

Here is what we are carrying now:

• Sleeping bags
• Tent
• Lonely Planet books
• Two pants each
• Four shirts each
• Swimsuits
• Hiking boots/ water sandals
• Shampoo/bar of soap/ bar of laundry detergent/toothpaste/brushes
• Medical kit/ survival kit
• I-touch/ camera/ laptop (Lauren needs all there for work)
• Cooking kit: pot/ mini stove/ cup / chopsticks
• Food: power bars/ dehydrated soup/ ramen
• Passports and copies of passports / important contact info / visa copies

As we depart Central Asia, we’re hit with a bittersweet feeling partially of relief and partly of sadness. Central Asia is like no other place on earth. Check logic at the door, and reason as well sometimes. The people are so vastly different from one another between the Stans that each place is like stepping into an entire new continent. Some are friendly, helpful and kind while others are greedy, rude and unethical. Its a region that will test even the most tried of travelers, and will cause even the most devout to swear. At the same time, it houses some of the world’s most cherished relics, a complex and interesting history and some of nature’s most comical and magnificent structures. While in Central Asia we composed a few top ten lists, here they are, as we say adieu:

Top Ten Illegal Things We Saw in Central Asia:

• Illegal money changers with counterfeit bills
• Marijuana growing on the curb in Tashkent
• Drug deal exchanges in Bukhara
• Transporting illegal substances across borders
• Prostitutes all over Central Asia
• Bribing guards on trains, border crossings
• Dangerous driving, with no regard for safety
• Hassling tourists, foreigners
• Cops patting down travelers for money
• Camping on protected ruins

Top Five Things you Don’t Want to Hear while on rusted, Soviet Chairlift:

• “Is that a broken chair down there?”
• “I think the two seater in front of us is seating four.”
• “Are you wearing Birkenstocks?”
• “Thats definitely wreckage of a chair lift down there.”
• “…and now we have to get back down the same way.”

10 Most Difficult Things to Achieve in Central Asia:

• Getting a napkin out of the booby-trapped holders
• Crossing the street without losing a limb
• Hailing a cabby who will charge in local currency
• Avoiding food poisoning
• Conversing with anyone about Russia
• Mentioning America without getting a response of “George Bush, Michael Jackson or Michael Jordon” in return
• Finding a road without potholes
• Avoiding manty (meat dumplings)
• Changing money across currencies
• Finding shoes in any size above women’s 8

Top Five Strange Things We Heard at a Restaurant in Central Asia:

• “That guy is playing with his belly button.”
• “Last time we ate here, we didn’t get sick!”
• “Try the tongue.”
• “That guy is combing his stomach hair….”
• “Even the waitress looks like shes about to throw up.”

Top Five Strange Menu Items in Central Asia:

• Lamp Shish
• Banana Spleen
• Corn and Cancer
• Language Beef
• Two Generations
• Frog Paws
• Cinnamon of my Youth
• Seafood pizza with Fruit
• Beer: The Goner
• Fish on a Shish

Top Ten Strange Sites We Visited:

• Flaming crater called the “Gates of Hell”
• Sarcophagus of Daniel (13m long)
• The nodding donkey monument
• Mosque honoring Turkmen Dictator, not Allah
• Russian Orthodox Church in the desert with skull and bones
• Downed MiG plane on display in someone’s yard
• Snake infested section of Caspian Sea
• Torture chamber and bug pit where condemned lived for years
• “Big Mac” restaurant on top of a mountain (lamb burgers)
• Petrified dinosaur eggs in the desert

Top Five Things We’ll Miss About Central Asia:

• Friends
• Bazaars (Push-Push in particular)
• Camels, EVERYWHERE!
• 2000 year old ruins…everywhere
• Constant oddities making you shrug and say, “its CA!”

Yup, Central Asia is a strange and mysterious place! We loved our time in the region, despite a few down times (being shaken down by cops, bad border guards and dishonest cabbys). We were lucky to be able to spend over three months in the Stans!

After two months in the arid deserts of Turkmenistan, it is time to move towards water. So we’re setting out sights on the infamous ferry to Azerbaijan from Turkmenbashi.

But as we move on across the Caspian Sea, here is a list of the top things we loved in Turkmenistan:

Merv – The ancient ruins of Merv were astonishing. The dry deserts have preserved the structures yet artifacts remain just sitting on the surface for anyone to admire. Herders push their sheep and camels through 2000 year old doorways and we luckily got to camp in the shadow of Alexander the Great’s biggest capture. Here’s more on Merv.

Darvaza – The flaming crater known as the “Gates of Hell” was a top spot for us, we loved it so much we went back a second time. Nearby, the bubbling mud crater and the languid water crater were also of endless amusement. Camping out next to a gaping, fire-filled hole in the middle of an empty desert is a strange and new experience we wont soon forget! Here’s more.

Nohur – This tiny village tucked away in the mountains between Turkmenistan and Iran houses some of the most ancient of traditions. People lived as they have for hundreds of years, and we sat on a family’s roof and listened to the call to prayer echo off the mountains. Here’s more.

Caspian Sea – Swimming with sea snakes in the Caspian and photographing rusted wreckage, walking around Turkmenbashi and exploring the surrounding area by 4×4- all fun and exciting adventures to be had along the shores of Turkmenistan. Here’s more.

Ashgabat – This city, with its glowing white marble palaces and attempt at building pine forests, will forever be the strangest place we’ve been. It is constantly amusing, and not a moment is left to boredom. Ashgabat is also home to some fun attractions like Independence Park (with a giant, glowing plunger) and the Cableway to the Iranian Border and my favorite, the Push Bazaar. Nearby is Nissa, Geokdepe and an endless dead pine-tree desert.

While there was much more that we got to see and experience, this is just a taste of why we loved Turkmenistan so much.

Since many of our readers view the blog through the RSS feed, we just wanted to write to let everyone know that we’ve made massive updates to the site in the last two months, and its worth a quick check to the homepage to browse through the changes.

Abandon the Cube - Website Updates

To outline a few of the additions we’ve made:

• A humor page was added to the site about a month ago. This comprises a series of ever-updated images from around the world that we take while traveling. Some are mildly amusing, others leave you scratching your head in wonder while others will make you roll with laughter.

• We instituted a “Picture of the Week” section on the home page where we load the best picture taken that week. Check back often because we change them weekly.

• Similarly, we added a “Wish you were Here” spot on the home page that has an image of where we currently are and the location. This started as a way for family to keep track of where we are and where we’re going, and has morphed a bit to include imagery.

• We added a “Breakfast Beer” page that displays (quite pathetically) images of our breakfast beers all over the world. Since we’re on perpetual vacation, we instituted the breakfast beer as a way to remind ourselves each morning just how lucky we are to be having these adventures.

• The photo-album was updated gradually over the past month to include images from China, Mongolia, Japan and our entire Shanghai to Turkmenistan tour. Since some of you are having trouble viewing them, simply go to the photo-album site and then click on the album you want to view. There is no default album, you have to chose one on the left hand side to view pictures organized by country.

• The “Contact Us” page was removed, and added to the “About Us” page. Our email addresses and means of contact remain the same.

• The newsletter was sent last month. If you did not receive a copy and want one, you can download the 8 page document on the website’s homepage.

• Finally, we set up a ‘donate‘ button on the homepage, and want to sincerely thank everyone who has contributed. We’re so lucky and so happy to be able to continue our trip even longer thanks to your donations.

We hope you enjoy the changes we’ve made this past months, as always, if you have any suggestions please do not hesitate to contact us and let us know your ideas. We’re always eager to learn and fully willing to listen to your thoughts. A thousands thanks to the people who have already provided us with feedback and web support.

Darvaza Crater

Owing to a misplaced video of our last trip to the Darvaza crater, as well as an urge to try out new grilling methods and camping equipment, we bumped along the three and a half hour ride from Ashgabat to Darvaza last weekend. To set the stage, I pulled a muscle on the right side of my neck that morning, and was rendered useless. The idea of a multiple-hour, jarring ride through the outback seemed daunting, but the end goal of camping out again at the burning crater of the middle of the desert was reward enough to pack ice into a plastic bag and hold it against my neck the entire ride.

We arrived at 6pm, and not a moment too soon because a band of German travelers rolled into camp moments after our arrival, and were disappointed (to say the least) at encountering Americans in their territory. They huffed off into another section of the desert and set up camp out of sight. We set up camp in prime location overlooking the flaming crater just as a sudden desert downpour started. An hour later, a merry band of South Africans arrived and set up camp alongside our arrangement, and proceeded to cook their dinner. These four travelers (two couples) had traveled from the UK, and were heading home to South Africa via the Balkans and the Stans. They drove their own SUV, loaded with extra fuel cans and supplies, and were well equipped for camping.They were good fun to be around, and were as friendly a group as anyone could every ask for. Having come from the direction we’re heading, they gladly shared some travelers tips and hostel hints about Turkey and Georgia, where we will be in a few weeks. In turn, we traded information for hostels in Uzbekistan, which is where they were next setting their sights.

All tourists unaccompanied by a relative, must be in the company of a Turkmen guide, theirs was a friendly Ashgabat native named Max, who puffed away at his unfiltered cigarettes like a John Wayne character. That night, with all of the travelers safely inside their tents, he told us of a deadly black spider that stalks the desert floors at night. He finished his story and then rolled out a mat by the fire and fell asleep.

We awoke at 5:30 to watch the sun rise over the crater before cooking a hearty breakfast of steak and potatoes, coffee and an abundance of bread. The night before we had watched the crater get every more fierce-looking as the sky got darker, and we consumed a respectable amount of local beer in the process with our new African friends.We slept soundly, despite the constant rumble of trucks which were skirting the crater to lay a pipeline in through the desert, and in the morning, amid handshakes and waves, set off to visit a giant crater of boiling mud, which we had skipped last time. The crater was even larger than that of flames or water, and the mud boiled ferociously as we tossed rocks deep into the crater.

After much rock clinging amusement, we headed back for Ashgabat to visit the next best thing to the gates of hell: the Irish pub.

Asia Land Route Map

With a little help from our friends, OK a lot of help via their visa agent, we are finally all ready for onward travel to Baku, Azerbaijan.  About a week ago we decided it was time to get our travel documents in line so we went down the the Azerbaijan Embassy.  As we approached, we noticed a few dozen people standing around outside the embassy.  The doors were wide open and no one there was in uniform, so we proceeded to walk right into the embassy.

A man in khaki pants and a plain button down short-sleeved shirt put his hand on my chest after we were inside the courtyard.  Unfortunately, our Russian has not improved at all since we’ve been here and we did not understand a single thing he said except for the word “passport” – which sounds the same.  So I handed him my passport, he waved us out, and bolted the metal door leaving us, and all the other people stranded outside.  The first thing that came to my mind after that was, “Does he even work here?”

We shared a short laugh about our situation and as the smiles slowly faded from our faces over the course of the next several minutes,  we realized that this, like many things in Central Asia, was going to be a headache.  It is always what you least expect, and these little underestimations can do massive damage to your travel plans.  After standing outside the embassy doors for about 15 minutes, the man in the button down shirt poked his head out the door and handed my passport back to me, but did not say a word.  The door slammed again and the latch locked.  We waited another 15 or 20 minutes, rang the buzzer to no reply, and decided to leave.  Everyone else there looked like they had scheduled they entire day to be there.  One woman and her friend even had a small basket with her and they rolled out a blanket on the bench and had a picnic.

Our friends, who have helped us out significantly in Central Asia, passed our documents on to their visa agent to help expidite the process.  A couple days later we got terrible news that our visas had been rejected!  As our days here are numbered, this made us really nervous and we started to panic about the rest of our trip.  Luckily, we reapplied with an invitation letter – which you need even for a transit visa of 3 days apparently – and we just found out that it was accepted.  So on the weekend of the 22nd, we are heading off for Turkmenbashi to take the Caspian Sea ferry to Baku, Azerbaijan.  We plan to leave on either the 23 or 24 of August, but by the time the ferry arrives in Baku, we are going to have to rush to get to Georgia in our 72 hour period – which commences somewhere in the middle of the Caspian.  We have heard some horror stories about the Caspian Sea ferry, but are in good spirits and plan to make the most of our trip, which now consists of a few extra destinations.

Thank you to some very generous donations, we will extend our trip to Greece!  Our current itinerary, which may change again, now is: Turkmenistan, Azerbaijan, The Republic of Georgia, Turkey, Bulgaria, Macedonia, and Greece.  From Greece we may continue on through some of the Balkan States and then on through the Ukraine to Russia, Mongolia, China again, and Southeast Asia.  We are excited to get on the road again and will keep you all updated.  Thank you all again for your generous donations!

I-touch

Three months ago I borrowed an Apple i-Touch while traveling through Central Asia. I posted a review of the handy appliance on our blog along with a desperate plea for someone to sponsor me with an i-Touch of my own. That wish came true shortly thereafter, and I’ve learned a lot more about the electronic pocket pal as I travel. Here are some useful apps for a traveler as well as some top picks on travel games and other accessories.

Handy applications:

Unit Converter: Like my last review, I find the unit converter invaluable. From Celsius to Fahrenheit, from kilometers to miles and from every currency in the world to Euros and USD. Don’t travel without it.

Calculator: I use this whenever a language barrier prevents me from using words– which is often. I also use it when adding up ticket prices and other fees.

Days Until: I programed all the major holidays in the areas where we will be traveling. This way I can keep track of what big events will be going on and where along our route so we can plan to be there. We’re covering over 20 countries this year, so without this app we would miss a lot (not to mention birthdays back home and other events, like the not-so-universal ‘Thanksgiving’ holiday).

Weather: I have the weather in my i-Touch for every country we are passing through, all 20 of them. Its great to see that we just missed a huge storm in Tashkent while the weather back in Shanghai is humid and the weather in Greece ahead looks wonderful.

Clock: I have the time for each major country we will be passing through, so I”ll never be waiting at the train station too early or late, or changing my watch to the wrong time when crossing a border.

Flags Fun: Thanks to this fun little game, I feel confident I can recognize any flag in the world. It has already helped us find the Azerbaijan embassy, which was otherwise unmarked.

World Capitals: Like the flags game, these flashcards and quizzes helped me learn the capitals, countries and flags the world over. Its a bit more educational than fun, but for a traveler its imperative to learn.

Factbook: The factbook gives information on each country in the world, like an abbreviated Wikipedia. I read about the countries we are approaching before we arrive to learn basic info and to check on security threats.

Atlas: This helps me keep everything in perspective, and I use this when planning out onward route. I also have the Google Earth application, but it is only useful with wifi, which is limited when on the road.

Natural Cures & WebMD: Traveling means getting sick often, WebMD helps diagnose the problem while the Natural Cures app gives suggestions on how to fix the problem. Unfortunately, we’ve had to use these apps more than once on the trip already.

Yoga- Stretch: I’m a yoga fan, and the yoga- Stretch app is great for me because its a timed, instructed session that keeps me paced. I miss my yoga classes, so this is a nice traveling alternative, and weighs a lot less than the yoga cards I was carrying before I got the i-Touch.

iTranslate: For obvious reasons, we have this app installed in case of emergency. We also have paper phrase books, but when its imperative a word get across the iTranslate app works well.

Fun Games

CrackCode: This game is addictive, but I’m not sure why. You simply crack colored codes.

Labyrinth LE: A simple, old fashioned game where you get the ball through a maze by tilting the i-Touch. Addictive, but hard to play on a bumpy train!

Brick 3D: I have easily spent 10 hours on this app while on the road. You just bounce a ball around and smuch bricks, it’s awesome!

ICHC: Which any true fan will know stands for “I can has cheezeburger” one of the funniest image sites on the Internet. I spend twenty minutes a day laughing thanks to this app. Needs WiFi though, so it will be less useful once out of city limits.

Totally Awesome Facts: Fun to read while on the road. PS- did you know a frog has to blink whenever it swallows?

Kyz Kala, Exterior

Sultan Sanjar, who referred to himself boldly as Alexander the II or ‘Sultan of the World’ died of a broken heart in 1157. The woman he loved, it was discovered, was not a woman after all but a fairy. She had promised to marry the Sultan in exchange for three favors: 1) that he should never watch her comb her hair; 2) that he should never look at her feet, and; 3) that he should never embrace her. Naturally curiosity got the better of the Sultan and he discovered that when she combed her hair, she actually removed her head, put it on her lap and brushed her hair in that fashion. When he gazed at her feet he saw that she was hovering above the ground. When he tried to embrace the beautiful woman he discovered she was no more than air and fragrance. She thus explained that she was a fiary, and could henceforth only visit him in her fairy form. The modern tomb of the Sultan has a small square hole in the domed ceiling so his fairy lover can visit him from time to time. Before the turquoise tiles were removed from the dome of his mausoleum it was said that a rider could see the tomb from several days out. The Soviets, taking the lore about the Sultan’s fairy literally, tore up large portions of the roof in search of gold the fairy supposedly left her lover. It is, indeed, a very impressive structure, and well preserved (rebuilt). Of lesser importance, a small and rather bland mausoleum was built in the desert nearby for his actual (human) wife.

Moving to the East of the Sultan Kala and towards reality we discovered two crumbling Babylonian-like fortress remnants with corrugated walls and multiple stories intact. We ventured into the larger of the fortresses to discovered adobe stairs leading down into a cavern that dead-ended with a covered door. Were it not a world heritage site, I would have been tempted to get the shovel out of the 4×4 and find out what they kept in their basements in the 7th century. Originally built by Sassanians, the Seljuqs took power and used the fortress, called Kyz Kala, as their base in Merv.

Not far away from this ancient and mysterious structure is an important Muslim pilgrimage sit, a mausoleum for two companions of the prophet Mohammad. We were not permitted entrance as we were non-Muslims, which was okay with us as we spent the time on site examining an ancient water cistern and several ice houses used in the time of Alexander to keep meat cool throughout the summer. The innovation and technological adaptations these ancient people came up with would far surpass the average person thrust into the past in similar conditions. I sometimes wonder if we are really any smarter today than they were in the 6th century when they built the ice houses, cisterns and massive fortresses out of fewer materials than one can find in a bleak and desolate desert.

We lunched in the shade of the fortress walls drinking beer and unpacking our salads and soups as we watched herders run their cattle and camels through the fortress. That afternoon we drove around the city that has sprung up along the periphery of Merv. One village uses the interior of a small fortress as a dump, and we strolled through piles of trash, used needles, bottles, cattle bones and millions of blue plastic bags. A real shame for such history and culture to be turned into something of no worth to the locals whose history it is. It is a concept I have trouble fathoming, as someone who loves history, but comes from a country with only a few years, comparatively, of national heritage and a coherent past.

Camel Herd

Last weekend we embarked on a three day / two night camping trip to the ruins of Merv.  A short 30 km away from the present city of Mary, Turkmenistan; Merv has been declared an UNESCO World Heritage Site and rightfully so.  The 5 – 5 1/2 hour drive from Ashgabat to Mary and Merv trailing along the Kopet Dag Mountains was littered with ancient ruined walls and fortresses.  We stopped and one, which was not even in our guide book, “Warved Galaky” or something that we immediately started calling Warped Galaxy – a fitting term for most things in Turkmenistan, and climbed up the walls.  The ancient fort had been inhabited by the Greeks, we found out later, and was scattered with pottery shards recently exposed from an unlikely rain in the desert.  The fortress had a dried up mote bed still visible after centuries, and it has been said that you can still find Greek coins in the ruins here as the people of Warped Galaxy crafted coins into the C.E. after Christ.

After we went through the city of Mary, we arrived at Merv.  The whole area, about 80 ha was all fortress and ancient city on top of ancient city.  Merv has been referred to as a drifting or wandering city.  This means that over time, water supply and changed course and therefore, you have one ruin from 300 BC and another ruin from the 1st to 3rd century C.E. overlapping with opposing and expanded fortress walls.  What makes Merv so unique is that you have several distinct historical periods in different garden patches, if you will, waiting to be excavated and discovered.  Luckily our friends had a 4 x 4 and we were able to drive right into the old compounds.  After an hour or so scoping out the best camp area, we stopped by an ancient Buddhist stupa for camp.  The stupa had been created on an opposing wall of the oldest fortress – proving social strife between the diverse compound ethnicity and religions.  There were Greeks, after Alexander the Great, Nestorian Christians, Tar Tars, Buddhists, and Sassanians all grouped together.  There were mounds of earth surrounding us of what once used to be mud huts or buildings.  The stuppa had noticeably melted significantly after each rain that brought new artifacts up to the surface.  We found a nice soft secluded area to pitch our tents, had a few beers, talked about how amazing it was that were were sleeping on the ruins which dated back as far as 3000 B.C.E. and that Alexander the Great could have been standing or setting up camp right where we were.  It was invigorating and made it difficult to sleep because of all the excitement.

The next morning we climbed up Erk Kala, the olded fortress, which Alexander had concured and renamed Alexanderia Margiana.  As we climbed over the rain and errosion melted fortress wall we were in awe of the spectacular preservation of the central portion of the compound, as well as two towers, dating back over 2000 years.  The ground crunched as we walked as it was completly littered with pottery shards.  It was really disturbing to even be walking around on the ground with thousands of years of history below your feet.  It is beyond me why universities do not have professors and student volunteers out here excavating and preserving theses sites.  Then again, Turkmenistan is not exactly an easy country to come in and get these types of permissions with.   Little did we know that this was a the beginning of a long day of exploration of the entire Merv Complex, which is host to a variety of antiquities.

In my youth we would visit zoos all over the world. I’ve seen some of the most amazing zoos humanity has to offer, at the top of the list comes the Paris zoo and the Minnesota zoo, both of which offer a charming and humane environment for the animals while offering prime viewing and educational material for visitors. My visit to the Ashgabat zoo was startling, to say the least, and was accompanied by such a pungent blend of foul aromas that the interior of my nose began to twitch in protest.

The Ashgabat zoo, in Turkmenistan cost 1M, which is about 30 cents, to enter. After walking through the cobweb covered entryway we first encountered a fence with various hand-painted wooden signs showing which animals were available at the zoo. We noticed that the signs were removable, in the likely occurrence that one should die. Vulture were the first exhibit. Behind a low fence with a metal tin roof (in 100 degree heat) a giant vulture sat on a rock ripping apart raw, dirt-covered flesh. We heard a chopping noise and looked behind the shed, a man had some sort of animal on a wooden block and was using an ax to dismember the creature for food. The vulture seemed happy about the noise while it made the hair on my neck stick straight up. Hand-painted signs showed a finger and the words “Ouch!” next to the cage. There was no lighting, and each cage seemed like a death-row cell dimly lit and containing a vile creature of children’s nightmares.

The second exhibit was a swampy cage where someone had patched holes in the wire with planks of rotten wood and a street sign. Inside the murky darkness we saw what appeared to be a ROUS, a rodent of unusual size. I have no idea what this mystery creature was, it looked like a rat but was the size of a cockerspaniel. One was white, with red eyes while its counterpart was black with black eyes. It had a long rat’s tail and webbed feet, and it also was ripping apart flesh with its two buck teeth under an “ouch!” sign.

The third exhibit explained one of the many foul smells, a duck pond under a low fenced roof that had not ever been cleaned. Ducks mated at random and chicks and elderly ducks lounged together in their own feces, apparently uncontrolled. The ducks far outnumbered the space available to them, and some were sitting atop others, which might have been dead.

The aquarium behind the duck pond proved the source of another of the unidentifiable aromas. The pool was open-air and contained a large and rather impressive collection of algae. Dead goldfish spotted the top of the pond while frogs and tadpoles swam around happily in their lurid haven.

Behind these wonderful exhibits was the bear, wolf and lion exhibit. Each had its own hand-made cage with sufficient room to curl into a fetus and cry. We watched for a few moments as the wolf attempted to run in place before falling over the sink used as a watering troth. The lion didn’t budge, and the bear sat picking at the goo running out of its eyes. Tears?

There was a rather odd array of happy looking porcupines. At least a dozen of them in various cages lounged in abandoned tractor tires lapping at still water and chewing on wilted carrots. They looked up at us as we walked by as if to say, “hey! Its better than being in the desert.”

There was a large collection of farm animals, especially camels and lamas, which seemed relatively content to be fed once a day and otherwise left alone. The locals in the zoo gave the lamas a wide birth for fear of spit, and did not allow their children to pet the camels, which looked past their prime and overly tattooed, a sign that these were once work camels who had exhausted their usefulness.

A bird park was the final crescendo, with turkeys, pigeons and chickens of various breed lounging around their piles of feces and still water with one eye on the man chopping meat for the vultures and the other eye on the children who tapped gently against the cage.

Despite the abysmal conditions at the zoo, I was impressed to see mothers explaining to their children what they were seeing, and those strolling around the park looked happy as they eagerly pointed at the dilapidated foxes or clapped their hands in glee at a spitting lama. It was no Paris zoo, but it will be at the top of my list of strange experiences in Central Asia.

Nissa

Yesterday we got in the 4×4 and took an off road expeditionary tour of Nissa,which was once a Parthian capital in the 3rd century BC. At one point over forty towers surrounded the small adobe fortress on the hilltop, but today there is little remaining of the once bustling capital. Atop a sloping, man-made hill rests one remaining tower which we discovered is used by several variety of bee as a giant nesting ground. A desert hedgehog had apparently gotten too close to the tower, for it lay crinkled in a ball at the base of one giant nest.

Inside the fortress itself, which is little more than a hill where the top is shaped like a bowel with a large depression on top where former royalty once roamed. Today the interior is filled with a strange crawling plant that albino lizards seem to enjoy. The locals who occupy the region directly to the north of old Nissa have erected a small adobe structure in the center where a guard lives to ensure everyone has paid the hefty 16M entry fee. We did not pay this fee because the guards at the gateway tried to extort more money out of us, so we took the off-road approach and hiked into the fortress on foot. Not an easy task in 105 degree weather in a desert without shade.

Along the western wall of the fortress was an irrigation canal where dozens of boys were swimming and washing their hair. Down the road several other children sat at small booth selling soap or sponges. There are no child labor laws here.

Nissa itself is an amazing story, set up by the Parthians, captured by local dynasties and finally razed in the 13th century by the Mongols. It was one of the more heroic last stands in Central Asia, and the more skilled and equipped Mongols took 15 days to captured the walled city, destroying everything within. Once the Mongols left, however, the site was used as a Zoroastrian temple grounds before being abandoned as the land around the fortress became arid and bleak.

Uzbek CYM

One of the strangest, and most frustrating things about traveling in Central Asia has been the double standards related to costs. As Americans we take for granted the amazing equality we have inside the country. True, we have problems, but one would never walk into a museum and be charged a different fee because of the color of his skin. That is not so in Central Asia.

In Uzbekistan, for a local to get into the Registan it cost 200 CYM, for a foreigner it costs 7000 CYM. Similarly, to get into any sight in Khiva, a foreigner must buy a city-wide pass that costs roughly $7 USD while locals can pay to enter whatever exhibit they want for free or for pennies on the dollar. Can you imagine the same practice in the US?

For a local in Turkmenistan to get into the underground lake it costs 3 Minat, but 30 Minat for a foreigner. (Thats the difference of $14 USD). We drove over an hour to reach the underground lake only to be rudely shoved aside by a guard who demanded fistfulls of cash. In this stubborn instance we turned on our heels and left the park, a $14 USD difference is not only unethical, its downright discriminatory.

And cash is not only demanded at ridiculous sums, its sometimes simply taken. In Kazakhstan we  were hassled by police, guards and railway attendants who demanded money, and when it wasn’t give they patted us down and took it anyway. A strange way to treat a visitor.

On your customs forms in Central Asia you have to list how much you are bringing into the country. We’ve heard of other travelers who didn’t report all the cash they were carrying, and as a result corrupt guards simply took the extra cash and laughed away all complaints. On the other hand, if you do list how much money you have you will get shaken down by one of the custom’s officials pals. Catch 22. We stick to withdrawing small sums out of ATMs, though even that is tricky.

Don’t get me wrong, I love traveling here, but the money issues are a bit annoying, and it really makes me appreciate the countries we’ve visited that don’t discriminate based on country of origin.

Gates of Hell

Dante readers beware, the “Gates of Hell” are very real. They are located in the middle of a vast, uninhabitable desert (not unlike the Biblical desert where Satan tempted Jesus) outside Darvaza, Turkmenistan.

Locals say that someone was drilling for natural gas in the desert when the drill hit an air pocket and the friction of the metal piping exploding at massive speed out of a rock hole caused a spark to ignite the reserve of natural gas, setting it eternally alite.

Today the crater is 60 meters across and easily 50 meters deep at its furthest point. The flames burst out of the crater fueled by the natural gas, but to the casual eye it looks as if the rock and sand are simply emitting an enormous amount of heat and flame. At one point there was a thick cable circling the crater to keep curious travelers at a safe distance, but the heat of the eternal flame managed to snap the cable, melting sections of it into piles of ruble, while other sections have become fused into the landscape.

For roughly a kilometer in every direction the earth is grey and lifeless, inhabited only by beetles, spiders and perhaps a wandering lizard. A strange coral reef looking rock sticks up from the grey sand in stalactite-like formations. All attempts to identify the rock online proved futile, though I’m no geologist. The remnants of a now unidentifiable machine rest all around the perimeter, and as I circled the area I found lizards and other creatures warming themselves on the hot metallic surfaces of various engine parts presumably belonging to the unfortunate drilling device that started the whole saga.

Oh…My….God!

The wildlife around the dead ring of sand becomes more intense and is reminiscent of the creatures in Storm Troopers. Walking out to the crater at night with nothing but a flashlight and, naturally, a giant flaming crater to indicate the way, I managed to hit an angle with the flashlight just right so that in the distance I saw two tiny green gem-like lights glistening in the distance in the sand. I walked over to investigate and leaned in really close. The two gems turned out to be the curious blinking eyes of a spider the size of a golf ball, with his eight hairy legs extending out from there like so many reasons to run and hide. I slowly backed away and shined the light at the same angle across the landscape. All around me pairs of little green lights blinked like lightening bugs and panic rose in my whole body as my arms, thinking on their own, attempted to fly me out of there. I ended up with two flashlights, one scanning the distance for green gems to avoid, the other aimed at my toes so that if one came near my I could scream my farewells as my heart stopped.

50m deep crater

We decided to camp out at the crater, obviously this decision was made before I knew an army of giant spiders inhabited the warm sands around the crater. We set up our tent, started a fire of our own, and cooked a simple meal while drinking beer from the cooler. (We are Americans, after all, why not tail-gate the gates of hell?) In the distance, the crater raged seemingly out of control, the flames licking the sky as if to snap the stars right out and gobble them up. We danced around our own little fire to the tuns from the portable iPod, and listened to Mike play the guitar with the fire from the crater cracking the percussion in the distance.

Morning came slowly as the sounds of the desert kept me wondering and imaging what was happening outside the tent. We boiled water in the morning for coffee and were on the road again by 9am. Twelve kilometers from the natural gas crater lies a crater of greater depth but lesser width that is filled with water. The water emits bubbles, indicating heat, but there is little information on the spring, or why the crater is so deep (at least 70 meters). All attempts to find a boiling miniature mud crater in the vicinity were in vain.

Despite the giant man-eating spiders (that get bigger each time I tell this story, naturally) and the bubbling water that could cook you alive, or the crater of fire that form the gates of hell, I still find Darvaza one of the nicest and most interesting natural wonder I’ve ever had the pleasure of enjoying.

For more information on Darvaza and Turkmenistan please see read about our Second Trip to the Gates of Hell and our Turkmenistan Destination Guide.

Caspian Sea Snake in Turkmenbasy

After the very long drive from Nohur to the Turkmenbasy on the Caspian Sea, and searching for a place to stay, we all ended up at the reasonably priced Turkmenbasy Hotel.  For about $60 a night, we got a suit with a view of the Caspian Sea from the balcony.  Initially, we drove all the way out to a peninsula to get a room at one of the new “Dubai of Turkmenistan” resort hotels.  Niyazov’s dream was to make Turkmenbasy a resort town comparible to Dubai.  Let’s just say they have a very long way to go.  All of the rooms available at the partially constructed “resort” hotels were priced at over 300 – 400 USD.  So we found a nice room at the Turkembasy like I said before.

After the hot drive through the desert, we were all ready for a beer and a swim.  We grabbed a quick drink on our way out of the ground floor and walked slowly through the scorching heat down to the Sea.  Directly out in front of the hotel was shoreline however, there were only people near or in the water farther down the coast – which seemed to be the same as what was in front of us.  I walked down and started wadding around in the water.  Immediately I noticed a thick bed of weeds about 8 feet from the shore.  “That must be why all the locals are farther down the beach,” I thought.  So we walked down.  We hadn’t gotten about 5 steps when Lauren yells, “WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!”  She was referring to a 4 foot long snake that was poking its head and neck about 1.5 feet out of the water.  A longer coil was visible below the surface and was now resting on top of the weed bed.  Then we started noticing several snakes poking their heads out of the water for air.

As went continued down the beach we found a clearing and started to get in the water, believing it to be snake free.  We soon found out that this weed free area between the two weed beds was The Great Caspian Sea Snake Highway – serving as transport between feeding grounds.  After kicking the sand around on the beach for a while and contemplating swimming, we really had our hearts set on swimming in the Caspian, it was now or never.  Our friend and I stared at each other, picked up some small stones and plastered the area in front of us with a barrage of pebbles, and then dove into snake heaven face first.  That was the first time I have ever swum out of fear as I, like my childhood hero, share a fear of snakes – Ophidiophobia.  We quickly kicked out past the weed bed and tread water out in the Caspian.  Then, we realized that we had to go back.  Not wanting to prolong the inevitable, we turned back and made it through without a bite.  I highly doubt that they would attack humans, but it was still slightly terrifying.  I got out of the Sea, turned to Lauren and said, “Conquered it,” and we all went out for dinner.

Dear Readers,

Over the last several days / weeks, with faster internet connection and more free time, we have updated the site with several new pages, photos, and buttons. In an attempt to make our site easy to navigate, we would like to inform our readers of these changes.

• Lauren has uploaded several new pictures into our photo album since we have better internet connection right now.
• We have also created a Humor Page, which has a collection of funny pictures and stories from our trip.
• Lauren has designed several Maps of our routes and the ridiculous, but awesome, Pan-Asian circle we are taking.
• We have also added 5 new links to related articles that can be found at the bottom of each post.
• We have added new polls to the website, which can be found on every page with the exception of the blog.  We will update you on the previous polls’ results shortly.

We have also added several new buttons to the front page that link to social network sites like Face Book, Twitter, and our RSS Feed:

We have also been told that there are some problems when viewing the site with Internet Explorer.  First of all, I can’t even express with words how much better Firefox is than IE, but I will do my best to fix this problem with Internet Explorer as soon as possible.

Also, if anyone has any recommendations or suggestions for our site, layout, posts or information,  please either comment on this post or visit our contact page.

Sincerely,

Mike & Lauren